10 Things Never To Say To Someone Whose Been Dumped

“My boyfriend broke up with me – on Valentine’s Day,” my co-worker divulged to me.

My response was what a dick. When she explained how he just wasn’t ready for a relationship, my next instinct was to say something like, “he probably wasn’t the guy for you.” But, I didn’t because I remember when I got dumped. There are some things you just don’t say to someone whose been dumped.

  • There are plenty more fish in the sea. This is a phrase you do not want to hear this because well, it doesn’t make the break-up any better. While there are plenty more men out there, there are some things you keep to yourself.
  • It will get better. Eventually, the pain will subside, but again, if you just got dumped, hearing this will not make the situation better.
  • Give it time. Ugh, or maybe he’ll come around, right? Sorry, but if you’ve been broken up with, it was for a reason. Please stop talking, okay?
  • You deserve better. Okay, this isn’t always true. There are some cases where maybe he thought he was ready, but he really weren’t. If he was respectful and told you the truth, this phrase doesn’t need to be said.
  • Guys suck! Well, not all guys suck. While some guys are assholes, this does not pertain to all guys, so please retract this statement.
  • Join tinder! If you’re looking for a booty call – after you’ve been dumped – sure, try Tinder. But, this isn’t the best advice to take considering you probably don’t want to date for a long, long time.
  • He’ll regret it. Maybe, or maybe not? You’ll never know, but just try to focus on other activities instead.
  • It wasn’t meant to be. For goodness sake, you don’t know that, so why say it? Maybe he just wasn’t ready.
  • Hang in there! Yeah, I’ll be sure to note that on my calendar.
  • I never liked him anyway. Really? Did you really know him enough to make that assumption? Ugh, please stop.

Love Is F*cking Strong: Here’s Why You Should Never Let It Go

I stare into his eyes and think about how much love I have for this man. And, the thought of losing him absolutely terrifies me.

I have only been in love once. You can say that I don’t know a thing about love because I’ve only been in love once, but you’re wrong. So what? Why can’t he be my one great and powerful love? Why do I need to be love multiple times to really know what love is?

I fell in love with him within 4 months. Is that too early? Is that too soon? Maybe, but it happened. I didn’t want it to happen because I was scared and all that stuff. But, I’ve always been a hopeless romantic who often wished for prince charming to sweep me off my feet.

Maybe that was unrealistic, but I’d watch wedding proposals, read love stories, watch romance movies and imagine meeting the guy of my dreams one day, falling in love and having kids. Pretty typical, huh?

When I met my now fiancé, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I was focused on my career and I told myself that no guy would stand in my way. No matter what, my career was number 1.

That shifted when we began dating.

I didn’t think this guy – who by the way, I put in the friend zone at first– would be my first love. I took him back out of the friend zone a few days later, but I didn’t intend on falling in love with him. I just figured if it happened, then I wasn’t about to stop it.

I knew he was special when I met him. Know how I knew? Well, he wasn’t like any other guy I’ve ever spoken with.

One day, we literally texted for 12 hours! What guy would do that? And, whenever we’d hang out, we never wanted to leave each other because our bond was so strong.

Every morning, he was the first thing on my mind and at night, he was always the last thing too. I’d look forward to seeing him and dread when the time came that he had to go home. My heart beat a mile a minute whenever I’m in in his presence.

I had fallen madly in love with him and there was no turning back.

I was scared that I had given my whole heart to someone because in another moment, this person could shatter it into a million pieces. But, I stopped worrying about that when we were together for a year. I began focusing on the future, heck, our future.

Love is so fucking strong, powerful, terrifying, free and empowering. To have someone in this world that you share intimate moments, secrets, and your life with is absolutely blissful.

This is the man I will have kids with, grow old with, share memories with.

Whenever he looks at me in that way, chills run throughout my spine. In another moment, he kisses me and his lips feel so soft and my heart skips a beat – just for one minute because I feel like I’m on top of the world.

Here’s why you should never let the love of your life go.

  • Being in love  is amazing. Falling in love is easy, but falling for the right person isn’t always simple. It takes time and patience to find the right guy.
  • You may never  find another who makes you feel the same way. They always say you never forget your first love. Don’t shut love out because you may not find another person who makes your heart beat that fast.
  • Makes life  better. Being in love with someone makes you feel like you’re on cloud 9. Don’t ever take it for granted because it makes everything better!
  • Never feeling judged.  This person fell in love with you because of your quirks and flaws. So, if you do something, instead of judging you, they’ll probably laugh.

Via Puckermob

The Only Consistent Thing In My Life Is My Fiancé – Maybe That Was The Point

Before I met my fiancé – in 2013 – I was rather obsessed with my career being number 1.  While I started my last semester, at college, I was already thinking about a job while everyone else was struggling to get through classes. I knew that it was important to set myself up for success, so I researched internships, jobs and freelance positions that would help me in my career.  I learned that I needed a college course in order to obtain an internship, so in spring 2013, I took the course and obtained an internship at Good Housekeeping Magazine.

I always knew I wanted to become a writer, but while in college, I learned I wanted to be a magazine writer. So, I made it appoint to get an internship for a magazine and my dream came true when I received an e-mail that I was offered the Editorial internship! I figured my career would take off. Well, I hoped for the best.

About a month into the internship, I became scared, so I started looking for jobs.  But, I couldn’t find anything, so I spent that summer working for Barnes & Noble.  Later that year, I obtained an internship at Family Circle Magazine.

Then, I met my fiancé.

We were both struggling to find ourselves. I told him that my career was extremely important to me and I didn’t want him to stand in my way. I didn’t need anything ruining my chances of becoming a magazine writer.

Again, toward the beginning of my internship, I began looking for jobs so I wasn’t screwed in the end.  The internship ended the following April, but I wasn’t presented with a position at the end. I was left feeling disappointed because I worked my ass off to get these two internships, yet I didn’t gain anything. I mean, sure I got experience, but nothing came out of it.

But, even as I looked for jobs, my fiancé was there while I went through the rough patch.

Eventually, I got a job, but it paid nearly nothing, so I only stayed a few months. I moved onto another position, but it just wasn’t the right fit. Then, we learned he obtained a job in another state, so we moved.

But, here’s the thing: maybe I was supposed to learn something throughout this whole process. At the end of the day, it seems my fiancé was the only consistent thing in my life. Despite wanting a career so badly, he was the only thing that stayed the same.

I was supposed to learn a lesson and that was no matter what career I have, it doesn’t matter if I don’t have someone to share it with. What’s the point? I mean, think about it. Even if I had a superb job that paid well, yet I didn’t have a partner to bask in the glory of all of it, life wouldn’t be as enjoyable.

So, at the end of the day, I’m glad I found someone to spend the rest of my life with and hopefully, my career will follow.

 

Via Puckermob

I Found Out What Love Really Was When I Met Brett

They say you never forget your first love. You’re always likely to go back to that person and never let them go. And, I believe that wholeheartedly.

When I was in my early teens, all I knew was I wanted a guy who would take care of me and accept me for who I was. I didn’t necessary have a preference on how the guy would look. I just knew I wanted him to make me feel like the most special girl in the world.

I had my first boyfriend at 16, but he didn’t make me feel like the most special girl in the world. I mean, I liked him a lot, but I was only 16 and with him, I had my first kiss. Unfortunately, I planned my first kiss and if I could go back in time, that would be one of the things I’d change. It was in front of my parents house after the junior prom and I said, ‘let’s just do it and get it over with.’ My attitude toward it was rather ugly, but he went with it. And, the kiss wasn’t so bad. That relationship lasted 2 months.

My second relationship wasn’t so bad, but the guy didn’t have his permit. And, at about 18, that was a problem. Regardless, we had a nice time together, until he broke up with me via text 2 weeks later. I was done with guys for a while, or so I thought until I met my third boyfriend when I worked at a grocery store at 19.

He was someone I thought I loved. I felt as if we had a deep connection, but when I think back, it was nothing but a deep friendship. My dad always said he thought I would end up with him because despite breaking up a year and a half into it, we always remained friends. It was very painful to me to stay friends, but he honestly did not like me as much as I liked him. The break-up was mutual, but that still didn’t mean I wasn’t hurt. After we broke-up, I questioned whether I loved him or not and for a while, it hurt to see him going on dates with other girls and see him flirt with other ladies while we were out, which was why I figured I loved him. But, I think it was only ‘puppy love.’

I still was sort of friends with him when I started dated my 4th boyfriend. I would talk to him occasionally, but I was hooked on this particular guy. I would go over to his house, but all he seemed to want to do was fool around, which was not always on my radar. I wanted to go on dates, but he was not about that. So, after 6 months, we broke up.

This leads to me my fiancé. I did not think I’d find love on Okcupid simply because I was so against online dating. I knew he was special, but I didn’t think it would lead to falling in love. Again, I thought I was in love before him. But, every time before him was nothing but infatuation. I wasn’t always able to tell the difference, well until I starting falling for this particular guy. He was sweet, considerate, nice and made me laugh. Not to mention, I was very much attracted to him. It only took 2 months for us to begin falling for each other. On Valentine’s Day, he finally told me he loved me, but I was not able to say the same because I wasn’t ready.

A few weeks later, at the bar with 2 of his other friends, I revealed that I was in fact in love with him. He didn’t believe me because he knew I was drinking, but I meant it. The next day, I said it again, but this time, it was in his room. I didn’t know what love really was until I met Brett, my now-fiancé.

I found out love is about sacrifice, being considerate of the other person’s feelings, opening yourself up to the other, compromise, and more. Love isn’t just about cuddling and being mushy-gushy. There is so much more to it and I needed to learn that. My other boyfriend’s never looked at me the same way Brett does and they were never so willing to take my feelings into consideration before making a decision.

And, when Brett asked me to be his forever, I was nothing but ecstatic that he chose me! It only took 5 boyfriends to find the right guy, but I found him and I couldn’t be happier.

Via PuckerMob

Most Women Want An Established Man

Most women want an established man, one who has his s*** together. The last guy you want is one who doesn’t know what he wants in life, is completely immature and still depends on mommy for everything. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wouldn’t you prefer the man who is earning decent money over the guy who is still looking for a job?

I graduated college when I was 24, so I feel as if I was a bit late in the guy.  So, it honestly didn’t matter if the guy I was seeing just graduated and was just starting out in his field because I was doing the same.  Who am I to judge?

So, when I met my boyfriend, since I lived at home as well, it didn’t bother me he still lived with his parents. Maybe to you that’s a deal breaker, but it was no big deal to me. When I met him, he was looking for a full-time job, just graduated and was frustrated with submitting job application after job application.  And, I was right there with him because I was doing the same.  I endured the struggle with him and never turned my back on him.  He was trying his best and once I revised his resume, he landed a job about a month later.

He was part of my struggle as I continued to search for a full-time job.  I was interning at Family Circle in New York when we met, so I wasn’t exactly reeling in the dough. And, while we were dating, even though he didn’t earn a ton of money, we still went out on dates, so he wasn’t using money as an excuse for not taking me places.  And, I understood that they wouldn’t be extravagant places nor did I want them to be either.

I was looking for a guy who would listen, support me through thick and thin, love and care for me and would be there for me when I needed him.  The guy didn’t need to earn millions of dollars because at the end of the day, money doesn’t equal happiness. Therefore, even if he did have a ton of money, would that make me happier?  To a certain extent, sure it would, but in the end, just hanging out with him and cuddling is enough for me!  I’ve always referenced this quote:

“Most women want a man that’s already established.  A strong woman will be part of his struggle, survive it, succeed together and build an empire.”

Falling in Love Is An Experience of a Lifetime

Falling in love is an experience of a lifetime. There’s nothing better than someone holding you in their arms and not letting go. You feel secure, protected and safe knowing he doesn’t want anything happening to you. Saying “I love you” can be quite nerve-wrecking too because you’re always skeptical he/she won’t say it back.

When my boyfriend and I started dating, he always told me he wouldn’t be the first to tell me he loved me. He stressed this to me time and time again and I said, “okay, we’ll see.” But, February 2013 — our first Valentine’s Day together — we were in a hotel giving each other gifts and he stops, stares at me and asks, “what are you thinking?” I tell him nothing really, but he wasn’t sold on that response, so he asked me again. Honestly, I really wasn’t thinking much other than, “I really, really like this guy.” But, then, he turns to me and says, “well, I love you.” I was stunned because it was a bit early for me to say it back, but I felt bad, so I just said it too. The issue was, it didn’t sound genuine and he knew it.

But, a few weeks later — while his two friends, him and I were at a bar — I turned to him and said, “I love you.” He thought I was lying because I had a few drinks in me, but it was the truth. I didn’t think I’d tell him I loved him in a bar, but hey, life is unpredictable, so why not? That night, I slept over his house and the next morning while I was putting my shoes on to leave, I told him to come closer. When he lay on the bed, hanging over the edge toward me, I said it again and I meant it–just like I meant it the night before. He looked at me, smiled, kissed me and told me again.

I’d love to know how you said those three words, so e-mail me: hopeandlove89@gmail.com

Via Huffington Post

How to Know When You Found ‘The One’

You know those articles that often list all the reasons why the guy you’re dating is “the one?” They all sound the same and list similar reasons why and you follow those because well, those articles are published in magazines and often publications.

And, to be honest, I used to follow those pieces as well and ask myself if my boyfriend had all those qualifications. If he did, then he was definitely the one because the article said so! It was naïve of me to think an article could predict my future. I was the one who believed it too until I got older and began thinking that every relationship is different, so if I my boyfriend didn’t do everything on the list, it didn’t matter because my boyfriend isn’t the exact same as yours.

This is how you know your boyfriend is the one.

No matter what you’re wearing — whether you’re dressed in PJs or in a hot outfit — he’ll look at you the exact same way. If you get sick, he’ll be there to support and take care of you. He won’t leave you because he knows you’re worth it. He’ll do everything he can to make you happy.

Even if he’s not a social person, he’ll step out of his shell for you because he truly loves you. He’ll sacrifice himself for you. If he’s exhausted and you made plans, he’ll do his best to put a smile on his face. Your family can get underneath his skin, but he’ll still attend nearly every celebration and get-together because he knows how important it is to you.

If your boyfriend isn’t the touchy-feely type, in his own way, he’ll be affectionate with you. He’ll never push you away. When you’re lying around watching TV, all you want to do is cuddle, so you lay on him and he’ll put his arm around you because he loves when you’re that close to him.

Trust me, if your boyfriend truly loves you, he’ll do whatever he can to make you happy. And, at the end of the day, you want that guy around because he’ll make an excellent father.

Via Huffington Post

No Such Thing as “The Perfect Guy”

Girls play out how meeting Mr. Right will be, how their dress will look and how their wedding will seem. As girls, we often fantasize about our dream guy. In this fantasy, our guy will be perfect in every shape and form.

In part, I blame this on romantic movies. They depict the guy being flawless in every which way. But, here’s the truth: that is crap! The “perfect guy” is not perfect. Maybe he’s perfect for you, but he makes mistakes just like the rest of us. He doesn’t have every single characteristic we’re searching for and he certainly gets underneath our skin from time-to-time.

I had this notion that my perfect guy had blonde hair and blue eyes, but that changed over time. As long as I was attracted to him and he was good to me, nothing else mattered. That took me a while to realize though. It didn’t happen overnight. Eventually, I learned to love and accept my boyfriend’s flaws. And, what can I say? I’m no angel; I have moments where I can be a bit too much, but my boyfriend wouldn’t break up with me over that.

The strangest thing about dating my boyfriend is once upon a time, I placed him in the friend zone. I couldn’t get over my ex-boyfriend, so I pushed him away. And, maybe he just wasn’t “perfect” enough for me. Maybe I thought he wasn’t “good” enough. I questioned why I was kicking him to the curb when he did nothing wrong. I wanted him in my life, so I turned things around and ended up having him.

To think, I could have lost a great life partner if I didn’t call him back. As I grow-up, I’m coming to terms that my boyfriend isn’t perfect, but he’s pretty damn close!

Via Huffington Post

How Terrifying Life Can Be

Watching “The Theory of Everything” the other night with my boyfriend made me realize how short life can be. Stephen Hawking–who developed motor neutron disease–had his whole life ahead of him, but it was shattered when his ability to walk and talk came to a halt. In a short time, he no longer could talk or walk at all and this made me think how precious life can be.

We go about our day focusing on what tasks we must get done, but never take the time to think of what others are struggling through. Have you ever taken the time to realize what your neighbors or co-workers are going through outside of work? Is life just one big picnic when good things continuously occur or is it a black hole where things get darker and darker? Stephen’s life was supposed to be filled with happiness and joy, but instead his whole life turned upside down within the blink of an eye. That just makes me wonder if something like that could happen to me. I mustn’t be naïve or stupid, but rather aware that nothing is perfect and life has several bumps in the road, but we shouldn’t give up.

We often vent and get frustrated with how things are panning out and the only option we can think of is quitting. But, that’s wrong because that’s giving into what is happening instead of fighting through grief, pain and suffering.

Life can be absolutely frightening because we don’t know our next move. We don’t know what’s ahead and that scares the living s**** out of most of us. Will you die tomorrow? Will you develop a disease in the next few years? We often question and ask ourselves over and over, “what’s up next” instead of enjoying what’s occurring this very second. I don’t blame you for being curious because I sure as hell am! But, you might miss out on tons of good things when you focus on the “what if’s.”

So, enjoy the highs and focus on the good things life can bring you such as spending time with family and friends, a girl’s night out, a date with your significant other or a phone call with your best friend. All of these things make us happy and just because life is overwhelming–at times–don’t forget to love it too!

Via Huffington Post

How To Date The Guy Who’s Sensitive

Let me tell you something about guys: they’re very sensitive. I don’t give two s**** how much your guy says he’s not because it’s untrue! No matter how much they play it off, won’t admit to it, pretend those hurtful words you just said to them didn’t sting, they’re lying. Instead of telling you how they really feel, their first reaction is to shut down.
This is what I’ve learned: most girls like to talk out their problems in order to feel better. When talking it out, we feel as if a weight has lifted off our shoulders because we pushed it out instead of holding it in. But, guys like to bottle up their feelings and let it fade away in the darkness. However, does it really ever go away or do they carry it around for the rest of their days and randomly bring it when we’re nagging them about something?

Guys tend to act macho and manly, but deep down, they’re sensitive creatures that when their ego is bruised, they’ll shut down and not talk it out. But, as girls, we must learn that guys aren’t like us, we cannot simply expect them to “share their feelings” because more than likely, it’s not going to happen.

As girls, our first reaction is to FIX IT! We want to talk it through and try to make our guy feel better, but time and time again, I’m learning it does not work like that. And, in a heated argument most times, you call your man an “asshole” because he seems to be inattentive, unresponsive and ignoring you. Here’s the truth though: he actually is listening and processing everything you’re saying. You don’t really mean it, instead you’re saying it out of anger and frustration. But, if you want to be in an adult relationship, you must be respectful. So, if your guy does not want to “chat” because of his ego, then let him go. I know how tempting it can be to just walk into the other room and shake him, but that’s not going to do anything.

Let him cool off for a bit and then go and talk to him. If you cannot help but think, “I have to go talk to him. I have to do something,” just don’t. Instead, distract yourself by calling a friend, taking a walk, playing with the dog or simply reading a good book. I would say that your guy will respect and appreciate the space you’ve given him instead of cornering him in the bathroom and yelling that you want to talk.

Via Thought Catalog