Making A Change In Your Life Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

I’m sitting in the clubhouse at my new apartment in Greenville.

Instead of thinking about the emotional stress I’m about to endure when we officially move, I’m focusing on finding a job, my new life with my husband, hanging out with our friends who live here and making memories.

If I were to think about how I won’t see my family or friends for a long time, it would do nothing but make me sad.

Here’s my advice to you: don’t fear change.

Change is hard, but instead of dwelling on the negatives, you should think about why you made the decision in the first place or why the decision was presented in front of your face. You must think to yourself, maybe this meant to be.

My husband and I came to Greenville last April for an engagement shoot one of my friends offered to do for us. We loved the area, but didn’t think much into it. We were going through a hard time at that point because he was about to lose my job and we had to move back home.

I know that I had a very difficult time grasping the fact that we needed to move back home until our wedding. But, then, we re-visited the option of Greenville in January again.

After discussing it and him getting an interview in Asheville to become a home inspector, we finally decided to take the leap and move here. We wanted to meet in the middle for a place to live and Greenville was it!

Now, we took a chance because he’s still going for his certificate and I do not have a job here – yet.

But, something told me it was okay. Something told me that I had to take this risk because well, I think it’s meant to be. I know I’ll find something eventually. Not to mention, it’s a great opportunity for him and whenever he talks about it, he lights up.

Nothing matters to me more than when my husband is happy. If he’s happy, I’m happy. And, that’s part of marriage. You need to make changes to benefit your partner. You need to sacrifice in order to help your partner out.

So, here we are, in Greenville.

Via Puckermob

Change Can Be Quite Scary

I am 25 years old and I’ve had the same damn hair and clothes style since I was a teen.  But, as scary as it is, I’m an adult and things must change.  I’m not a fan of change, but sometimes it can be a good thing.  I mean, I moved, which was a huge change and I’m coping surprisingly well thus far.

In the next few weeks, I plan to alter my appearance a bit because sometimes when I look in the mirror, instead of seeing an adult, the reflection staring back at me is a little girl.  I cannot stay that way for the rest of life, there comes a time when everyone needs to grow-up and my time is now.  I know it can be quite daunting to take on more responsibility, but my boyfriend is right there with me having to do the same thing.  He’s been the one coaching me through this transition and without him, I’d be lost.

At times, I get annoyed that I’m so afraid to get a new wardrobe and switch up my hairstyle.  What am I so scared of?  It’s time to finally be an adult as well as look like an adult.  I’ve done a big thing by moving 800 + miles away.  That is terrifying in itself and I made the decision and wouldn’t change it for the world.  But, I still do not feel as if it’s real.  This morning, I woke up questioning whether I was dreaming or not.

In the past few months, things have rapidly changed and I must keep up with it.  If you’re skeptical about altering something about your life whether its your appearance, location or style, I say do it and do not look back.  Don’t think too much or else you’ll chicken out.  I encourage you to chase after your dreams and if something feels boring, travel on a different path.  It’s time for to stop being a scaredy cat and just take the leap.

Making Our Way To Franklin

The other night, Brett and I decided to venture over to Franklin and check out the band, SixtyFour.

According to SixtyFour.com, SixtyFour is a Beatles cover band from Middle Tennessee.  We’ll stop you short of saying they’re a “tribute” act, for you won’t see any Nehru jackets or mop-tops on stage.  Instead, we do our best to recreate the experience of listening to the Beatles records that left such an imprint on our musical consciousness, always remembering that the Beatles were first and foremost a rock and roll band.
 
The group began as bass player, vocalist and Grammy-winning mix engineer J.R. McNeely asked his friend, colleague, and multi-platinum-selling producer Mark Lee Townsend to sing and play Beatles songs with him at a family event, says the website.

We noticed family and friends sitting on chairs in front of Mellow Mushroom Franklin. When they began singing Beatles songs, I immediately felt a connection because my father is in love with that group. Therefore, I wanted to stand and listen to them perform. They sounded great and the crowd was going wild. If you haven’t seen them, I’d highly recommend checking them out if you’re in love with Beatles!

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On May 9th at 7:00 PM, they will be playing once again on the Square, so there’s your chance to see them live!

But, I must divulge something — when you’re a newbie in town, it’s quite difficult to find local events since you don’t know anyone. So, what I usually do is simply go on Facebook, look up activities and events or just Google what sort of things going on on a particular evening.

Whether it’s Nashville, Franklin, Murfreesboro, I’ve learned (so far) there’s always something happening! It could be a Tuesday night and at least 5 events will pop up! This is the perfect town to live in if you wish to meet people, like myself. My plan is to visit local restaurants, places and hot spots around the area. So, I’m going to start doing just that!

If you ever see me around, be sure to stop and say Hello! I’m a friendly gal willing to chat about anything — well excluding sports of course — sorry!

Until next time…

Love,

Hope Kumor

I’m Moving 827 Miles Away From Home With My Boyfriend, And I’m Pretty Scared

By Hope Kumor

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Moving to another state when you’ve never left your house is pretty darn scary. It’s even more frightening when it’s 827 miles away.

Imagine moving to another state where you know not one person besides your significant other. It’s a chance for you to start over and be whomever you want to be. You can be a whole different person because well, not a soul knows your past or who you were before you moved. They don’t know a thing about you. It’s a clean and fresh start.

Choosing to move to Tennessee was the biggest decision I’ve made in my life. It’s a huge deal for two reasons: my boyfriend and I had never moved away, instead we lived in our parents houses until our mid-twenties, which is what everyone is doing these days. Also, we’ve only been together for a mere 15 months. That part doesn’t bother me as much though because a few months back, I moved in with him and his folks and we got along well. We cooked our own meals, did chores around the house, did our laundry and went food shopping.

I started packing up my belongings and it hit me. I will be leaving my comfort zone, my safe haven, the place I grew up in and moving 12 hours away. It’s hard for me to deal with change. I tend to shy away from it because I simply cannot handle it.

But, my boyfriend and I mutually decided to move because he obtained a good job and I’ve always wanted to live in Tennessee. You’re probably wondering– why Tennessee? Plain and simple: I love the south. Also, even though I hate change, it would be nice to live in a state where apartments aren’t over $1,000 per month and the people are friendly.

To be honest, I am scared shitless. For the time being, I’m fine with my decision, but after we move and get settled, I have a feeling it will hit me extremely hard. I know I’ll be a ball of emotion the first week or two. I’m not an emotional person, but when no one is looking, I’ll breakdown— guaranteed.

I know this is the right decision because we both dislike where we’re at and want a change of scenery. The thing about it is we’re both going to be in the same emotional state of mind. I’ll be able to relate to him and he’ll relate to me.

The reality is: we will only have each other. We won’t have family, friends or anyone to help us. We will be out on our own without protection. But, at 25 and 26, it’s time to blossom and grow the hell up. We’ll learn so much about each other, adulthood, and independence.

I’m heading down without a job in line and that makes me nervous and worrisome. I know I’ll eventually find something, but the last thing I want is to fight about money. I won’t be able to handle fighting and bickering because my emotions will be all over the place. I know I’ll be a wreck, but it’s all about learning and growing as a person. From this, I know I’ll become a much stronger person and that’s exactly what I need.

Circa Thought Catalog

The “D” word

So, it’s 2015, have you started your diet back up? Or, are you on a fad diet? Regardless of where you are with your diet plans, take some time to read my article from Her Campus Temple (March 2012.)

The “D” Word

Every New Year’s you hear that D-word coming out of everyone’s mouth. They try to commit to it, but somehow, it falls short. You know, diet? Noelia Blanco, Social work major would know, after all, she’s tried it. And, this year, dieting is one of her resolutions.

“I do want to get toned and cut back on sweets,” Blanco says.

For a while, her and her brother followed a diet book that supplied recipes, but gave up because they had to purchase the food.

“We had to cook certain foods.” Blanco says. “It was [just] more difficult to cook meals.”

Now-a-days, there are all types of fad diets such as the Jell-o diet which according to livestrong.com, dieters claim that you can lose up to 20 lbs. in 20 days by eating only Jell-O. I mean, that sounds like an ideal diet to me, only consuming this dessert, but where’s your protein and the fat that you need to make your body full? You need to eat some fat in order to burn it off!

Instead of listening to that current list of quirky diets to lose those few stubborn pounds, try these tips on for size.

1. Drink more cold water. There are no calories in water and instead of choosing that lemonade, which is mostly made up of sugar, substitute it for water. Throughout the day, sip on cold water to fill yourself up.

2.When you go to Fresh Grocer, always check the food labels. Otherwise, you’ll have no idea how many calories are in that bag of chips you buy on a regular basis.

3.  While ordering your latte at Starbucks, don’t eyeball the pastry case. Trust me; it will save you about 200 calories or

4.  According to cosmopolitian.com, research from Penn State suggests that eating bigger portions of food will help you feel fuller longer. So, instead of eating that massive bag of chips, opt for the big salad!

While dieting, remember to keep this list in mind. Just don’t over obsess about not losing weight right away, it takes time. If you’re following a diet, remain committed and stick to your goals. Overtime, you’ll achieve your weight goal of 15 pounds before your eyes!

Vices: Music withdrawal creates silent surroundings

So, have you ever gone a week without something you absolutely love/need? Well, I cannot live without music. I must listen to it in my car because the silence is unbearable! Read my past experience and leave a comment about yours:

Vices: Music withdrawal creates silent surroundings

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It’s 7:10 a.m. and an upbeat song wakes me up to start my day. This occurs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday–the days I have class.

 

I usually listen to at least two songs before I get out of bed half awake to get ready for another day of relentless babbling by my professors.

Music consumes most of my life, from listening to it while getting ready, while driving in my car and on train rides–it’s always there to turn to when I need a little escape.

I took on the challenge of erasing music from my life for an entire week. Even though, this is impossible at times, as there was music playing in stores or around Main Campus, I just chose not to be the one to physically turn it on.

SUNDAY

I woke up frustrated that music wasn’t playing. Instead, there was a loud and annoying buzzing noise which irritated me from the start. As I began my homework, the thought of no music on this day was daunting. I needed music.

The combination of silence and a day filled entirely with doing homework was painful.

Meanwhile, the lack of music in my car ended up being a very strange experience. I began to observe the sound my car makes while driving, as well as how loud the cars around me were.

Usually I listened to music the most at night. I play it to let my mind wander through all the events that happened that day, as well as what’s going on in my life. Yet, I got through day one without music successfully.

MONDAY

Yet again, I woke up with no radio and had to wake up quicker than usual to not fall back asleep. I had to set the alarm clock on my phone to 7:14 a.m., the time I usually get out of bed with a radio alarm.

The train station is about a 10-minute ride from my house. Even though that doesn’t sound like a long time, I hated the idea of not putting on 94.5 PST and jamming to a good song.

Throughout the day I thought of music, and song after song played in my head.

I realized how much of an impact music had in my life. I don’t know what I would do without it.

I had to go to bed early to avoid thinking about that new Cobra Starship song “You make me feel.”

TUESDAY

You know how some people are sexually frustrated? Well, I was musically frustrated.

It got harder as these songs continued to play in my mind. Doing activities such as homework was difficult for me. I kept thinking to myself, “Oh I’ve got to listen to this song later.”

I swear, Tuesday felt never-ending, it’s crazy how much I missed music.

I was in such an irritated mood and flipped out at other people who asked me the most mundane questions at times.

I tried to concentrate on homework as best as I could, since I didn’t have class this day.  As I thought of day four, I began to look forward to the weekend, when it was all coming to an end, more so than usual.

WEDNESDAY

The car ride home was depressing. It was a gray and bland day and I couldn’t even listen to some music to mix it up a bit or make my day better.

Music affects my moods at times: When I want to be happy, I listen to an upbeat song, if I’m upset, I listened to something to relax me, and if I’m stressed, I will listen to something to remind me of a good memory from the past. Music is a good outlet for me.

THURSDAY

I almost cried Thursday because of music. It sounds pathetic, but I was going to full-blown cry like a child due to what I think was frustration.

I went to school in a fog just trying to tell myself that only two more days remained. The night before, I had a dream that I turned on the radio in my car and listened to music by accident, and I woke up feeling guilty until I realized it was only a dream.

FRIDAY

I drove up from Levittown, Pa., which is approximately 45 minutes away, to Main Campus to sleep over my friends’ house. The entire car ride consisted of silence, even through a traffic jam, which made my ride even longer.

Of course I could hear music in the other cars, which yet again, brought back my craving.

I longed to hear a Rihanna song so badly–I felt like an addict.

SATURDAY

I woke up Saturday morning knowing at approximately 12:01 a.m., I would be able to listen to my iPod. I thought to myself, “If I get through today without going utterly insane, I will have had no music in my life this whole week.”

I went through withdrawal, frustrations and irritations. But at least I can say I conquered this challenge.

I’m Not Sure I’ll Ever Get My Dream Job

In the past, my articles consists of complaint after complaint after complaint. It was rather nasty. I have a brand new approach though. I’m simply re-publishing some articles for you to take a peek at. And, Millennials, I know you feel as if you’re losing all hope, but hang in there and read my next post called:

I’m Not Sure I’ll Ever Get My Dream Job

It’s a daily struggle to search for jobs and not find a thing. I am often questioning whether I should take another minimum wage internship in my desired industry or take a job unrelated to my degree. I’m terrified when it comes to my future.

I really want a job in the magazine industry, but during the last two months I’ve started to think about giving up on my magazine job dream and just go after a job that pays the bills. Would that completely screw me over so badly that I wouldn’t be able to find a way back into the industry?

Do you know how freaking competitive this industry is? It’s literally cut throat. Women backstab one another without a care. I have a difficult decision to make and I think about it daily. It begins to eat at me and consume my entire mind. How will I know if I choose the right thing or not?

Devil Wears Prada Movie
The Devil Wears Prada, wear fiction and reality are closely related

My next question is why do we choose to even go to college if we’re not guaranteed a job afterward? It’s a huge risk we’re taking. Again, how do you know which direction to go? No one knows what lays ahead. Life is always so uncertain. We’ll never know which route to choose on any given day. I struggle with job stuff every day. I have an associate degree in journalism and a bachelor’s in English. Where has it gotten me? At 24, I’m still without a job. Sure, I have an internship, but that’s not paying me enough to live.

It’s pretty sad and pathetic when you have to make up excuses to your friends when they ask you to go out to dinner. I hate worrying about money. I don’t talk about it. I’m sick of thinking about it. I’m literally mortified about not having enough funds to go out for a bite to eat.

How the hell do you tell your friends, “I can’t because I don’t have money.”

“Really, you don’t have like 10 bucks to head to the local diner?” they say.

Nope, all of my money goes toward my commute and car payments.

Two weeks ago when I went to a Cosmopolitan magazine event, I witnessed desperate gals shove their resumes in the hands of these magazine editors, who in my opinion probably didn’t care.  They want a job so badly that they will do whatever it takes, even something potentially embarrassing.

I used to believe I’d be rich, famous and successful with a big time magazine job. I began to imagine living in a New York City condo with my family. I’d have so much money that I wouldn’t know what to do with it. I would tell my parents not to worry about getting old because I’d take care of them.

But, at some point, it sort of changed when I realized that was nothing but a dream, an imagination in my mind. Do you know that magazine editors aren’t paid that much? In order to make the mega bucks, you must be an editor-in-chief and no way would I like to take on that much responsibility. Not to mention, I don’t think I’d be cut-out for bossing others around.

But even once I land a full-time job, I still have to worry about my damn student loans. They will always be there since I’m about $30,000 in debt! The worrying and frustration never stops at this age. Another thing I worry about is being laid off. What happens if I get the opportunity, but am let go due to the economy and low funds?

Nothing is guaranteed and I’m frightened more than you’ll ever know.

Why Don’t We Ever Talk About Death & Dying?

So, the truth is, we don’t like to talk about the topic of death. I don’t have to ask why because I know. In the past, I wrote-up an article on Buster & Ellie centering around death & dying:

Why Don’t We Ever Talk About Death & Dying?

It looms over us every day of our lives. We know it’s there. Some people try to ignore it, put it in the back of their minds. However, it still comes and we can’t stop it from rearing its ugly head into our lives.

I’m speaking of the topic no one desires to talk of or think about, trying to forget it, but it comes out of nowhere. One day you’re enjoying tea with your partner and then out of nowhere they pass away.

Sometimes it comes with a warning and others you haven’t a clue why. It’s sad, depressing and absolutely disgusting. As much of we don’t want to talk about it, we have to. After all, it’s reality. You come into this world to live and die. How harsh and real, but it’s very truthful.

On almost a daily basis, I think about death. I try to imagine my life without my loved ones. At this point, I couldn’t picture my life without my parents. I mean, damn, they’ve been on this earth, right in front of me since I was born. I must face the nasty reality – one day, they won’t be here.

This gets me thinking. I must appreciate every day and enjoy the company of my loved ones. It gets hard sometimes since I’m the type to not appreciate something until it’s gone. My hope is I won’t do that when it comes to people in my life. You never truly know when someone will die.

My first experience with death happened when I was 11 years old. My 6-year-old cousin passed away from swallowing a pushpin. It was ruled an accidental death and I was petrified. I didn’t completely understand what happened. I mean, sure, I was in middle school, but I was still young. I thought he would come back. I wasn’t aware that the person was never coming back and staying underground, cold, brittle and hard. After that, I thought about death more than anything.

There have been times where I contemplated my own death. I began to think about how simple and easy death was. Literally, there were knives in my kitchen and one foul swoop to my heart could kill me. I didn’t give in. But, I must confess there was this one time about a year ago that I was so close to harming myself. I had to work that day and didn’t want to go. My thoughts went to my kitchen cabinet, where the knives were. I walked into the kitchen in almost tears and looked at the knives. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, but I was certainly close to performing this act. Everything would have ended. No more pursuing a career in magazine writing, no getting married, no having kids, no going on long car rides. That would be it and I’d didn’t want that. I talked myself out of it. No one knew and I wasn’t about to discuss this with anyone else. I was partially embarrassed and didn’t want to bring it up.

One of my favorite neighbors whom I grew up with was diagnosed with cancer a few years back. I had to endure her become weaker and weaker and I felt sick. I never spoke about my feelings though. I hide them. I expressed them through words instead of language. Every time I’d see her, she’d appear sicker and weaker.

The last time I saw her was when I gave her a photo of my then-boyfriend and I. I was in a rush that day because I had plans with my boyfriend too, so I only stayed over for a few minutes. That was the last time I ever saw her. At her funeral, I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t talk about how I felt. I had to choke back the tears. I couldn’t show the whole world that I was a softy who was crying. I rarely cry in front of anyone and I wasn’t about do it there in front of my parents. I barely ate that day and sat in my room writing about the experience.

Death scares us all. We think about all of these precious moments with our loved ones and miss the person like crazy. I can’t even bear the thought of my close friends dying. I mean, I’m very realistic and know it will come, but how the hell am I going to deal with it. How will I go through that? How the hell will I cope with the death?

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With so many thoughts running through my mind that I can barely keep up, I think about this topic with open eyes. I used to think “Why do we build relationships with others if we’re all destined to die one day?” I mean, what’s the point? It wouldn’t hurt as much if you don’t have anyone. It would be a very lonely life, but you wouldn’t have to grieve when a loved one’s passes away because you don’t have anyone, right? It’s so true, but who would like to live such a lonely life with no memories to show for it?

I can’t tell you how much I think about things – mostly death of course. How could you not though?

Whenever I bring up this topic in front of my parents, they hate it and wish to talk about something else. Why avoid the subject when it will happen to all of us? You need to deal with it though. It’s the truth.

I think it is important we talk about this subject and don’t keep it a secret. If you’d like to, email – Hopeandlove89@gmail.com – I’m here for you.

If you or someone you know are struggling and need someone to talk, no matter what your problems are, call 1-800-273-TALK and you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7. 

On Growing Up As The Shy Kid

So, about two years ago, I wrote-up an article for this site, Buster & Ellie. The article was called:

On Growing Up As The Shy Kid.

I just wanted to share it with you today—

I’m not one to chat and talk about absolutely nothing. When I speak, I want it to mean something. I don’t want to talk to “fill in the silence.” That was the old Hope and I disliked her. I would just talk about the dumbest, stupidest things and make comments that no one cared to listen to. But, I must admit, if I were the receiver, I wouldn’t want to hear that either. It was nonsense and senseless blabber.

I was always a quiet, shy girl who barely spoke to anyone. Some people claimed never knowing how my voice sounded. In elementary school, I rarely raised my hand and hide behind other classmates. It took a special person to open up to, one who broke me out of my shell. I never had social problems, I was just an extremely quiet child.

In 5th grade, I met this girl Steph, who changed me a bit. Our friendship carried into 6th grade and I became a little rebel. I’m not talking about smoking and drinking. I’m speaking about lying to my parents from time to time about where we were, what we watched, what we were doing and who we were talking to. She bossed me around and I let her. I followed her like a little puppy dog and she knew it. She controlled me and I didn’t say a word. But, then, she changed.

I don’t know what to say to you.

She began to make fun of me and turn her back on me. She wasn’t my true friend and I found out the hard way. I couldn’t understand what I did wrong. She never discussed anything with me, instead she picked on me and again, I let her. I was too nice, too sweet to stick up for myself, too quiet, too stupid, dumb and not strong enough. Also, I didn’t have enough confidence to defend myself. What I should have done was spit in her face or questioned her actions, instead, I let her ridicule me. I was a damn fool and I knew it. If I wasn’t so damn quiet, I would have stopped it. Eventually, our friendship stopped and we never saw each other. Thank goodness, we didn’t have class together. But, I knew I had to change. I knew I had to speak up, talk more, say something, anything. I needed to stop being such a coward and grow a pair. Though, I never did.

I was never really able to stick up for myself because of my quietness. I was scared and intimidated by several people. I tried to talk myself out of that, but it was always so damn hard. I’ve never been the one to lead, rather I followed.

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And, I never understood why I needed to learn how to have conversations. I couldn’t elaborate and it left an uncomfortable quietness. I was horrible and terrible at having conversations and talking in general. Whenever I saw someone I knew in the store, I would avoid them because I didn’t want to partake in another awkward conversation.

My then-boyfriend tried to get through to me. He tried to make me understand that I needed this skill in order to get through life. If I didn’t change, I would be screwed in the future. How would I speak with anyone? How would I go to an interview? How would I have another relationship? I was doomed if I wasn’t able to speak.

So, after that, I began talking more, asking more questions, wanting to know more, making the conversation last longer and progressing. I gained people skills and I was so proud of myself. But, even though I was talking more, it seemed to go along the lines of ‘talking to talk.’ There wasn’t too much meaning behind it though. It was a waste of breath and I knew it. I kept trying, but I felt like shit. I was either quiet or talked too much. I couldn’t find a medium.

Over the year, I’ve gotten much better. However, beginning this summer, I opted to only speak when something was important. Yes, I was still on the road to having long conversations, but I always wanted it to be important. I began to hanging out with my friend, Jess more and that side of me began to develop even more. I believe that was me. As I got older, my ways began to change. I was trying to find out who I was, searching for the real Hope instead of a fake, false perception of myself. I wanted to be true to myself and be who I really was instead of hiding.

I’m truly beginning to be myself, but I can’t easily walk up to someone and just have a conversation. It depends on how the person is. If he or she is friendly, nice and open then it’s easy, but if he or she is rude, unfriendly and selfish, I have a problem.

Talking has never been easy for me. I’ve always had issues with it. I’ve tried to overcome them, but it’s not simple. It will take a while for me to feel comfortable speaking with just anyone. As I’ve said, it depends on the situation, atmosphere, people and my state of mind, mood and mindset. I’ll just need to continue working on it!

 

ACCEPTANCE

So, this is another one of my articles on TvGrapevine.com called:

ACCEPTANCE.

Let’s talk about Acceptance. Accepting a situation for what it is. You must learn to deal with it instead of dwelling and constantly complaining about it. What will bitching and continuously talking about it do? It will do nothing but bring you and the people around you down.

My boyfriend, Brett & I were set to move out on November 25th. In the summer, we began apartment hunting and looked at about 10 places before choosing the right one. We needed to wait on the status of his job because it was merely contract work. On November 2nd, he’d either be let go or sign a contract for full-time work. I was excited, nervous, apprehensive and hoping for the best. I continued to think about great and awesome is was that I could potentially move out soon.

I sat and waited. I watched August, September and October come and kept preparing myself for the decision. I tried not to think about it, tried not to get my hopes up, but something happened. He received his contract and I was thrilled. But, he was still having issues with his company. His company kept twisting and turning on him and making him work a shift he was unable to do. Along with that, they’d talk behind his back and the contract left loads of unanswered questions. So, it was still up in the air.

At the beginning of November, we were stuck with deciding whether we should move out and risk Brett losing his job or stay where we were– living separately. I was absolutely disappointed. I wanted nothing more than to be with him and seek independence. I wanted to food shop, doing my own clothes, and paying rent by myself. Hell, I just wanted freedom and just come home to him and only him. I wanted to be able to see him every day and feel like an adult.

But, then, his mother offered for me to move into their house for the time being while we both figured out what we wanted. My first response was, “no way, I just want to have our own place.” I cried, became frustrated and debated this decision back and forth driving myself nuts. What the hell was the right move? Should I? Could I? Would I? Day after day after day, I thought about it. What did I want to do?

It’s not fair. His brother is 23 and has his own house. I am 25 and I’m could never ever live on my own at this time. My career is back and forth and I cannot get a grasp on my life. I would need to decide and think like an adult. I mean, I knew the right decision. In my heart, I truly knew I could not afford to move out, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t being realistic. I had to step back and analyze what was ideal and best for the time being.

Recently, I made the choice to move in with Brett and his folks. Sure, it’s so not what I want, but if I truly want to see him more and figure out if we’re truly compatible, I must do this. At the same time, I must make career choices. This is such a rough time in my life and guess what? Brett is going through the same thing as well as millions of others. I am not alone and I must accept my life. I will never give up. I must begin to accept it (for now.)

acceptance