I’m Going To Do Everything I Can To Have An Above Average Marriage

“I want us to say one thing we love about each other on our date nights,” I said to my husband last night.

He scuffed and said, “but, I don’t need to hear that stuff because I already know by the way you look at me.” I couldn’t argue that because my heart jumps whenever I see him working on a project; whenever he’s playing with Ollie; heck, even when he’s making dinner.

These are actions, not words.

I used to think I was meant to be with a sensitive guy, a guy who was a writer, who cried and talked about his emotions all the time. But, I keep forgetting that I actually was with a guy that like and he irked me.

He constantly needed to show his affection, but in reality, I think it was a ploy to get me to sleep with him.

It’s safe to say after 6 months, I was done.

As for my husband and I, our relationship hasn’t been typical and normal, so why should our marriage? I want an above average marriage where we can just look into each other’s eyes and not have to say a word.

I mean, we met online, hung out sparingly due to his job, lived with his parents for a few months, moved to Tennessee, back to PA, then shared an apartment with his folks and now, we’re in Greenville. I’d say that doesn’t sound like an average marriage.

He’s anti-social, but shows that he cares by helping people at the drop of a hat, while I’d rather show I care by checking in to see how people are doing. He’s quiet and keeps to himself while I like hanging out with people. However, I am quiet too, so that’s definitely where we meet in the middle.

We play fight, “insult” each other while on the other end, we kiss, make love, hold hands and go out on date nights. We are best friends, yet lovers. We bicker, argue about petty shit.

It’s usually me who starts it, but I do it because he pisses me off so badly. But, I love him. I love him with all my heart and miss him whenever he’s away.

I wish he’d change and he wishes I would too, but we’re human and we’ve been this way most of our lives, so never fully change. And, if they do, they just end up coming full circle.

I don’t need any books or anything to tell me how I feel about him. His logic level is above average and whenever we get into arguments, he wins most of the time because I have nothing else to say. He articulates himself very well and I’m stuck stumbling on my own words.

He makes me a better person and I make him a better human being.

I don’t need that mushy gushy shit all the time and neither does he. I don’t always need him to tell him how he feels about me because I already know. I can tell by his actions and how he brushes the hair out of my eyes, how he cleans out the corners of my eyes in the morning, how he grabs me, pulls me on top of him and just puts his arms around me tightly.

“You need to have more confidence,” he says while he guzzles a cup of water. “You need to believe that you’re good enough for the position. You need to show them that you’re the right fit.”

He tries to boost my confidence by telling me my strengths as I job search.

He’s supportive, listens and just wants me to build up enough confidence to believe in myself.

No one is perfect. No marriage is perfect.

Everyone has flaws. It’s just about how to accept them. If I want an above average marriage, I need to start accepting his flaws like he accepts mine.

“It’s just not fair that you keep picking on my flaws, but I don’t have any issues with yours,” he says. It’s not fair.

There’s too much bullshit in life to fight about flaws. There’s too much going on in our lives between trying to find jobs, planning for children within the next few years, maintaining a relationship with each other, family, dog and friends.

He was the first one who got this thought into my mind that we should have an above average marriage.

My first thought was whatever – yeah, I can be a bitch sometimes. But, then, I really started thinking about it and now, I want the same thing and I’m going to fight like hell to maintain it because I love this man with all my heart and I know he feels the same.

Via Huffington Post

10 Ways to Say ‘I Do’ Without Going Bankrupt

When my then-boyfriend asked for my hand in marriage November 2015, we were both full-time employees living in Tennessee.

Not only were we living on our own, we now had to pay for a wedding. So, before we began planning, we sat down and set a budget of $15,000. Knowing the average was about $35,329, according to Fortune.com, we planned to spend half of that!

But, then, four months later, life got turned upside down when we had to move back home.

My then-fiancé lost his job and I had to find another job because I knew working remotely would be a bit too difficult.

His parents and my parents told us they’d pitch in, but in reality, we wanted to do this on our own.  Regardless, we appreciated everything they gave us.

We also knew realistically we were unable to do so because of our job situations.

We budgeted and did the best we could to save money and not overspend. We created a budget sheet on excel to track our spending.

I wanted a beautiful wedding, but I also didn’t anticipate having to pay — for instance — the caterer a whopping $3,000 for their services. If you don’t know already, weddings are expensive. However, they do not have to be – if you budget for them or go for a cheaper route.

My husband wanted to elope, but I refused because I wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle, dance with me and have the DJ play a song my husband and I could dance to.

So, if you’re smart about it, your wedding can cost less than a mortgage. In the end, ours was around $15,000 and now, the average cost of a wedding is 35,329! So, we spent less than 53% of the average wedding!

Here are some tips on how to dish out less dough:

  • Make DIY your BFF. Instead of buying the décor, make it from scratch. My husband and I scoped Pinterest and found loads of décor for weddings!
  • Don’t invite Aunt what’s her face. Here’s my rule of thumb, if you haven’t talked in the last two years, heck within the last year, these people do not deserve to be invited.
  • Send out Save the dates via email. I was told by a friend who got married that people throw away save the dates. So, if you are going to, send it via email.
  • Choose an inexpensive venue. My husband and I chose a $4,000 venue. I’m sure there are way cheaper venues, but we wanted a rustic wedding, so we chose an old manor. Just do your research!
  • Make your own bouquets. Flowers are expensive. However, they don’t have to be if you don’t get them. So, be sure to opt for something besides flowers.
  • Plan the wedding and reception at one location. Don’t make your guests flock to two different locations. It’s also way easier on the bridal party who doesn’t have to spend time in a car riding to the other location.
  • Your dress doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg. I set a budget for my dress to be $400-$500. Trust me; it is possible to find a beautiful dress for that amount.
  • Opt for less expensive food dishes. You don’t need caviar and shrimp. Go for something simpler and less likely to break your bank.
  • Choose cupcakes instead of cake. Our cake was around $300 and that was the cheapest we found. However, I’m sure cupcakes are just as delicious and less costly.
  • You don’t need too much food. You don’t need fondue, dessert bar, smores bar and an open bar. Just one dessert option will suffice.
 Via Puckermob

My Husband And I Are Searching For Our Happiness

“It’s about $1,000 plus for an apartment in the north, so why don’t we look for places in the south?” my then-boyfriend asked me years ago.

We were searching for jobs in Tennessee – because I always wanted to live there.

So, he applied to a few jobs and boom, one day he got contacted, had two more interviews and obtained the job. We were off to embark on a new adventure.

Conveniently, we found an apartment, took all of our belongings and moved to Tennessee. It was a huge risk we took, but I think I was looking for happiness. Well, I think I was searching for several things.

I never did find them though.

I never felt like I belonged, there wasn’t much to do, my then-boyfriend and I constantly got into arguments and I didn’t make friends. People in the area kept telling me we’ll get used to living there, but we never did.

“You’ll be okay. It took me 6 months to feel settled. You’ll get there,” someone told me.

But, we lived there for a year and it still didn’t feel home to us.

Last April, my then-fiance lost his job and we were left with the decision to either ride it out or move back home.

We decided to temporarily move home because our wedding was taking place at the end of the year plus we needed to get back on our feet. However, both of us knew we wanted to be in the South. It was cheaper and the people were nicer.

I googled beautiful states in the South and landed on Charleston, SC.

Then, in December, he got a call about a job interview in Asheville, NC. The area was too expensive and we couldn’t find too many apartments. So, we rode around to see if there were other cities nearby we could live.

You should have seen us.

It was a sad story. 

We drove around Raleigh, Charlotte, Columbia, SC. We figured one of these cities would bring us a homey feeling. But, we never felt it. 

Then, we remembered Greenville, SC. We visited last April when one of my good friends offered to do our engagement shoot. We recalled feeling comfortable walking around the city, liking our surroundings and plus, we had a couple we knew!

Therefore, we’ve decided to choose Greenville.

Am I scared the same thing will happen again like Tennessee? Am I afraid to move away from everything I ever knew? Am I frightened to leave my family behind? I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But, in life, you must take chances.

I just want to be happy. Is that so much to ask for?

I want to live in an inexpensive state that I don’t have to worry paying 1,000+ for an apartment. I want to make friends with people who are similar to me. I want us to enjoy ourselves.

Heck, I want us to really start our life together. We haven’t been able to enjoy our life as newlyweds because we’ve been too concerned with finding jobs and stressing about money.

So, it’s time to find our happiness and we’re going to great lengths to search for it.

Via Mogul

10 Things Never To Say To Someone Whose Been Dumped

“My boyfriend broke up with me – on Valentine’s Day,” my co-worker divulged to me.

My response was what a dick. When she explained how he just wasn’t ready for a relationship, my next instinct was to say something like, “he probably wasn’t the guy for you.” But, I didn’t because I remember when I got dumped. There are some things you just don’t say to someone whose been dumped.

  • There are plenty more fish in the sea. This is a phrase you do not want to hear this because well, it doesn’t make the break-up any better. While there are plenty more men out there, there are some things you keep to yourself.
  • It will get better. Eventually, the pain will subside, but again, if you just got dumped, hearing this will not make the situation better.
  • Give it time. Ugh, or maybe he’ll come around, right? Sorry, but if you’ve been broken up with, it was for a reason. Please stop talking, okay?
  • You deserve better. Okay, this isn’t always true. There are some cases where maybe he thought he was ready, but he really weren’t. If he was respectful and told you the truth, this phrase doesn’t need to be said.
  • Guys suck! Well, not all guys suck. While some guys are assholes, this does not pertain to all guys, so please retract this statement.
  • Join tinder! If you’re looking for a booty call – after you’ve been dumped – sure, try Tinder. But, this isn’t the best advice to take considering you probably don’t want to date for a long, long time.
  • He’ll regret it. Maybe, or maybe not? You’ll never know, but just try to focus on other activities instead.
  • It wasn’t meant to be. For goodness sake, you don’t know that, so why say it? Maybe he just wasn’t ready.
  • Hang in there! Yeah, I’ll be sure to note that on my calendar.
  • I never liked him anyway. Really? Did you really know him enough to make that assumption? Ugh, please stop.

We Went To Three Cities And A Cruise For Our Honeymoon Part 1

My husband hates flying, so we decided to take a road trip to visit Savannah, GA, Charleston, SC and Raleigh, NC. In-between, we went on a cruise to the (Amber Cove) Dominican Republic, St. Thomas & St. Maarten.

I was more excited about the cruise than anything else.

But, to my surprise, it was actually quite disappointing because we got motion sickness and we weren’t thrilled with the forms of entertainment as well as the food. Ick! After a few days, we were sick of the food.

I yearned to eat real food instead of buffets every day. I mean, it was nice to just get food whenever you wanted, but it was also dangerous because it was mostly processed and I feared gaining weight.

Let’s start with the cruise, which lasted 7 days.

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When we got to our room, we were greeted with the photo below – which was the sweetest thing ever!

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On the 2nd night, we dressed up for FORMAL NIGHT. Since it was our honeymoon, the crew members came over with the cake – shown below – and sang HAPPY HONEYMOON TO YOU.

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We did THREE excursions. The first was riding ATVS.

It was muddy and in the Dominican Republic. I let him drive because I was afraid. We got really muddy, but it was fun. We also drank.. a lot. I’m not used to drinking that much, but I just went with the flow.

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THIS IS KELVIN, THE TOUR GUIDE, MY HUSBAND & I.

Next was snorkeling in St. Thomas.

OMG.

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THE VIEW.

It was absolutely beautiful and snorkeling was so much fun.

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YEAH, YOU AHEAD AND SAY IT – WE LOOK LAMEEEE.

Next was a Sunset Cruise, which disappointed us because people were chatting, drinking and the captain didn’t even go toward the sunset. You would think she would considering it was the Sunset Cruise, right?

WRONG.

We went to a few fitness classes while on the boat, watched a movie, went in the hot-tub, swam, sunbathed and drank.

We decided that we aren’t CRUISE PEOPLE, but we wouldn’t have figured that out if we didn’t go, so it was a good experience.

This is just PART ONE of the #Alwaysn4evan Honeymoon.

Stay tuned for PART TWO.

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Through All The Negative, Remember There Will Always Be Love

“I hope one day I can find a love like yours,” one of my good friends said to me.

I told her that I know one day she’ll find her ‘prince charming,’ but it’s not just about being married. There are other kinds of love to appreciate like love between friends.

She was pertaining to having a husband, which I’m very much appreciative for.

I know that I’m unable to find a job in my career, I’m not at where ideally I’d like to be, and all of that mumbo-jumbo, but I’m forgetting the most important thing that I have – besides supportive parents on both sides – love.

I just got married about 3 weeks ago.

I keep neglecting the fact that I have someone that loves me no matter what. He never judges me and he’d support me no matter what. I don’t care if at 27 I’m not doing what I truly want. At the end of the day, I have love.

Don’t they say ‘love concurs all?’ I’d heard this phrase before.

As long as you have love and support around you, it shouldn’t matter that you don’t have much money, that you don’t have exactly what you want or anything else. Love is a powerful thing to have and it’s hard to find.

So, on those ‘down days,’ remember that you always have love around you.

This includes love from friends, family and your significant other.

In my case, I’m appreciative of the love I share with my husband, who does everything he can in order to make me happy. Despite not being able to find a job himself, he’s always there to bring me back up when I crawl into that deep hole.

My heart beats a mile a minute when our eyes meet and I melt when he kisses me on the forehead or when he puts his head on mine or on my chest.

Our love is real and sometimes I still cannot believe I found him.

But, love is strong and powerful and you mustn’t let it go. Whether it’s love for a friend, or significant other, it should never be taken for granted.  Therefore, just remember that love is all around us.

Via Puckermob

My Relationship Is Based On Love, It’s Not About Money

I had a dream last night that my fiancé called himself a loser as he was crying on my shoulder. My initial reaction was to comfort him and tell him he’s not while he wept.

And, trust me, he’s not a loser.

Since I met my fiancé, he hasn’t been able to find a job, therefore, he hasn’t been stable. But, honestly, that never bothered me. I mean, sure I wanted him to have a career or a good job, but if he didn’t I wasn’t going to judge him for that.

 I loved him for who he was, not what he did. And, that still remains true.

There are lots of girls who are just dating guys for their money and good looks. But, this begs the question: if your man lost his job, would you still stay with him? Would you still love if he was broke and scraping by?

When my fiancé lost his job in Tennessee and we had to pack all of our belongings, leaving him didn’t even cross my mind.

My relationship is based on love, not money.

If it was based on money, honestly, we would not be together.  Sure, I’d like him to have money, but that’s not why I’m marrying him.

I’m marrying him because he treats me very well, supports me, loves me for who I am, always takes care of me and goes out of his way to make me happy.

I know that it will take him a little longer to get on his feet, but no matter what, I’m going to stick by him because I love him.

It’s sad that some women are with men because they have money and are successful. There are so many factors that go into making a relationship work.

Even though my fiancé and I have only been together for 3 years, we’ve been through a lot in that time span. I mean, geez, we moved to Tennessee together and we were only dating 15 months! We moved 800+ miles away and it was a test to see if we could make it.

While in Tennessee, we were living comfortably because both of us had decent paying jobs. We were able to splurge a little bit and for the first time in my life, it was nice to do that. Well, that was until he lost his job and I gave up mine because I couldn’t work remotely.

But, if anyone would like to question my love for him, take a look at what we’ve been through and get back to me. If I didn’t love him, I wouldn’t have stayed with him. I wouldn’t have been able to stay with him knowing he didn’t have a job.

That was never the case though.

And, honestly, he could say the same about me because I don’t have a career either. It has not been easy for either one of us, but we’ve gone through it together. We leaned on each other when we needed it.

We were each other’s support system when things went downhill in Tennessee. And, that’s how it should be. If you’re going to marry someone, you should be prepared for anything and everything. Your hubby could lose his job at any point.

Would you be able to withstand that? Would you be okay with him not earning money? Would you look at him differently?

If so, then you truly are in love with him. If not, you may want to re-think your decision to stay with him because being in a relationship is not based on money, it’s all about love.

Via Puckermob

I’m A Millennial And Yes, I’m Getting Married In My 20s – So What?

I’m 27, a millennial and getting married in 2 months.

I keep hearing people bash millennials getting married in their twenties. They say we should save more money and focus in on our career. Well, let me clue you in on something, I’ve tried to ‘focus on my career’ before I met my fiancé. In fact, all I cared about was my career and nothing else.

But, where did it get me?

I’m still looking and figuring out what I want career-wise. It’s taking us millennials longer than most because we don’t have the same opportunities. We graduate college and are not promised jobs. And, you may say then why get married right now? Why not wait until you’re more established, heck, until you figure out who the hell you are?

Here’s the thing: I know who I am and why can’t I figure out what I want to do career-wise with my husband? Why do I have to be single to figure it out? No, he won’t distract me because I have my own life and so does he. He’s his own person and so am I.

So, I understand why some people disagree with getting married in their 20’s, but I also question why wait when you know the time is right?

I actually wanted to be married and have 1 kid by now, but I think I’m behind.

You may say I’m setting myself up for disaster getting married before finding a career, but I’m going to have to disagree with you. Besides, he didn’t know he was going to lose his job and be unemployed. And, hey, people asked if we should postpone it because of everything that was happening, but why do that? Why not get married in your 20’s? What’s the harm?

I’m not rushing anything.

I just think it’s the right time to get married. Why do I need to ‘get to know him more?’ What’s to learn? We lived in Tennessee for a year and that was a test for us. So, if we can survive that, we can survive anything.

I think the more experiences you endure with your significant other is when you’ll know if you two are meant to be.

So, I’ll say this again, it is not a mistake to get married in your 20’s. Don’t listen to anyone else, just trust your instincts.

Via Puckermob

Dear Fiancé: I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know

Dear Fiancé:

I don’t give you enough credit. I’d like to change that in the months to come and beyond.

You’re the first to jump in when needed. You never have to be asked, you just do it. You are dependable and you’ve never let me down.

Even though you’re not one for crowds nor a fan of talking at times, you still attend family get-togethers with me and tag along when asked to do a double-date. You don’t argue with me – even though I know you don’t want to go. You know how important it is to me and for that, I’m grateful.

I’m also grateful for the man you are.

You are going to become a wonderful role model for our children. I watch you with Ollie and picture you holding a child in his spot. I see you hug, kiss, play and cuddle with him and look forward to you doing so with our kids.

You seriously amaze me sometimes with your dedication to get stuff done. You’re a fighter and one of the strongest people that I know.

I fell in love with you because of the way you treat me, the way you look at me, how you make me feel, and how you put me first.

I love you more than you’ll ever know.

Even though you say, “I love you more,” I don’t think you quite grasp that I actually love you more. I don’t know what I would do without you by my side.

I will be faithful to you forever and ever and there’s not a doubt in my mind that you’re mine until the day we die.

You are my rock, my knight in shining armor, my best friend and my future husband.

When you kiss me, I get goosebumps. When you hold me, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world as well as protected. When you hold my hand, I get chills.

The thought of losing you brings me to my knees. Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. I cannot lose you; I don’t want to lose you.

I will love you until the very end!

Via Puckermob

Love Is F*cking Strong: Here’s Why You Should Never Let It Go

I stare into his eyes and think about how much love I have for this man. And, the thought of losing him absolutely terrifies me.

I have only been in love once. You can say that I don’t know a thing about love because I’ve only been in love once, but you’re wrong. So what? Why can’t he be my one great and powerful love? Why do I need to be love multiple times to really know what love is?

I fell in love with him within 4 months. Is that too early? Is that too soon? Maybe, but it happened. I didn’t want it to happen because I was scared and all that stuff. But, I’ve always been a hopeless romantic who often wished for prince charming to sweep me off my feet.

Maybe that was unrealistic, but I’d watch wedding proposals, read love stories, watch romance movies and imagine meeting the guy of my dreams one day, falling in love and having kids. Pretty typical, huh?

When I met my now fiancé, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I was focused on my career and I told myself that no guy would stand in my way. No matter what, my career was number 1.

That shifted when we began dating.

I didn’t think this guy – who by the way, I put in the friend zone at first– would be my first love. I took him back out of the friend zone a few days later, but I didn’t intend on falling in love with him. I just figured if it happened, then I wasn’t about to stop it.

I knew he was special when I met him. Know how I knew? Well, he wasn’t like any other guy I’ve ever spoken with.

One day, we literally texted for 12 hours! What guy would do that? And, whenever we’d hang out, we never wanted to leave each other because our bond was so strong.

Every morning, he was the first thing on my mind and at night, he was always the last thing too. I’d look forward to seeing him and dread when the time came that he had to go home. My heart beat a mile a minute whenever I’m in in his presence.

I had fallen madly in love with him and there was no turning back.

I was scared that I had given my whole heart to someone because in another moment, this person could shatter it into a million pieces. But, I stopped worrying about that when we were together for a year. I began focusing on the future, heck, our future.

Love is so fucking strong, powerful, terrifying, free and empowering. To have someone in this world that you share intimate moments, secrets, and your life with is absolutely blissful.

This is the man I will have kids with, grow old with, share memories with.

Whenever he looks at me in that way, chills run throughout my spine. In another moment, he kisses me and his lips feel so soft and my heart skips a beat – just for one minute because I feel like I’m on top of the world.

Here’s why you should never let the love of your life go.

  • Being in love  is amazing. Falling in love is easy, but falling for the right person isn’t always simple. It takes time and patience to find the right guy.
  • You may never  find another who makes you feel the same way. They always say you never forget your first love. Don’t shut love out because you may not find another person who makes your heart beat that fast.
  • Makes life  better. Being in love with someone makes you feel like you’re on cloud 9. Don’t ever take it for granted because it makes everything better!
  • Never feeling judged.  This person fell in love with you because of your quirks and flaws. So, if you do something, instead of judging you, they’ll probably laugh.

Via Puckermob