Here’s Hoping I Can Keep My Emotions Together

I’m in Greenville and I’m at Walmart picking out the curtains and garbage bags for our new apartment. I’m in my own world as I take a look around the store.

My dad calls me, but doesn’t leave a message while I’m chatting away with my husband about shower curtains.

I know that if my dad called me, the conversation wasn’t going to be a good one, especially since he doesn’t leave a message.

I nervously dial his number and wait for him to answer.

When he doesn’t, I breathe a sigh of relief because maybe just maybe he accidently dialed my number. I think, maybe it was a butt dial.

Then, a minute later, my phone rings.

He clears his throat before telling me my grandma has stopped eating. “She didn’t eat this morning or this afternoon. I’m thinking maybe tonight or tomorrow.”

My husband and I were set to move to Greenville on March 13th. We’d arranged the truck rental, our belongings and we were ready to leave PA. But, when I got that call, it changed everything.

“Okay, well, I’m going to have to stay and Brett has to go with his parents,” I said.

It was the only option.

When I got off the phone, I felt sad for my dad. His mom is dying and he must be devastated. Sure, it was bound to happen, but I figured it would be at least another year down the road. And, what great timing it was to occur.

The next day, my mom sent a text around 2 saying that grandma passed.

I felt pretty down that day for some reason. I was in North Carolina waiting for my husband to take a break from class and eat lunch with me.

I laid down across my front and passenger seats telling myself not to get upset, don’t let my emotions get the best of me. I kept repeating the same thing over and over to myself. I haven’t thought much about my emotions because I fear I won’t be able to control myself.

The plan was his parents had to bring the enterprise truck back in PA – near my parents house – so I drove back with them to attend the funeral. So, his folks generously drove down with us, helped us arrange everything and left two days later to continue their lives.

Gosh, I’m trying to be strong and not lose it. I just hope I have the strength to keep it together because I feel my throat tightening.

You Get One “Great Love” In Life

Some might disagree with this statement I’m about to make, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I believe in life, we get one ‘great love.’ There, I said it. For those who get re-married because their spouse passed or they got a divorce, it could be possible that their next love will be even better than their previous, but it doesn’t work in all cases. Remember – there are exceptions to every rule!

I’ve been told that Brett being my first could causes issues later on because he’s my ‘first love,’ I might ‘wonder’ about other men. I don’t believe that for a second and I’ll tell you why: you never forget your first love and the way he makes me feel when you kiss him, touch him, hug him or when he sits next to you. Don’t tell me how I’m feeling sounds like ‘infatuation’ when I’ve sacrificed, put him first, have been there when he’s needed me and have been very supportive because you don’t know the half of it! Just because he’s my first doesn’t mean it’s not my ‘great love.’

Know how I know no one will top this feeling? I get butterflies whenever he holds my hand, whenever he’s near me, whenever I hear his voice. You may call me ‘naive’ or whatever you’d like, but you’ll never know how I truly feel about this man. I would literally die for him.

Whenever he expresses his work troubles, my heart aches thinking about what he’s going through. Just because I’m not ‘physically’ there doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. It doesn’t mean his job isn’t stressing me out. I mean, I worry about him every single day. You might call me ‘obsessed’ or what not, but that’s not the case whatsoever. This is the type of love where I could not live without him. I could not imagine a world without Brett. I could not go a day without seeing, touching, kissing or hugging him – unless I absolutely had to.

When you find this ‘great love,’ do not let him go! Do everything in your power to fight for him! Maintaining your love is a challenge, but if he’s really your ‘great love,’ you will do anything to keep that bond forever and ever!

Via Pucker Mob

To The Women Who Call Themselves Ugly

As women, we’re always critiquing and picking apart our body. We constantly bash ourselves about our appearance. It’s easy to convince ourselves that we’re ugly. Here’s The ugly truth, we actually listen.

The other day, I read this status made from someone on my Facebook, “I might be ugly but at least I ain’t stupid cause ugly can be fixed and your stupidity can’t.” And, this absolutely disgusted me. As a woman, why do we need to call ourselves, “ugly?” Why is it necessary to put ourselves down? Everyone is attractive in their own way.

Your personality might be cute as a button and that’s why so many people like you. Or, you may always make a negative into a positive, making you beautiful. We need to stop labeling ourselves as “unworthy” “ugly” or “stupid.”

So what if you don’t wear a size 0 or have a rather large nose, that doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love. Everyone deserves to be loved and to be happy. We need to start telling each other we’re beautiful. And, we must start believing and having confidence in ourselves.
In the past, only tall and thin-framed girls could be models.

But, now, you see plus size models are just as successful and still beautiful. So, whomever tells you you must be skinny to be attractive should go to hell! Feel comfortable in your own skin and feel proud of who you are.

Therefore, stop telling yourself you’re hideous when you look at yourself in the mirror. Post positive aspects of yourself and post it on your bathroom mirror. Then, after you write at least 5 positive characteristics of yourself, repeat them to yourself every single day. Don’t ever put yourself down. You are your worst enemy and nothing will change if you don’t alter the way you show yourself.

Via Thought Catalog

Dear Future Daughter

Dear Future Daughter:

I’m writing to you before I find out if I can have children, before I’m engaged, and before I’m ready to have children. There’s so much I want you to know about this world, your daddy and what kind of man we want you to be with. I could be jumping the gun a little bit here with your daddy, but he’s told me asking my hand in marriage is just a few months away. And, I’m not planning or wishing for it to come true. Instead, I’m taking it day-by-day and enjoying my time with him.

I’m going to tell you something about your daddy. He’s a special guy who will do anything and everything for his little girl. He’ll always protect you and love you like he loves his mommy. Your daddy will take spending time with you very seriously because he’ll love you to pieces and want to make memories.

Once the time comes, he’ll teach you that there are good men in this world and will be honest with you about the men who just want to sleep with you. He’ll want to know who is spending time with his little girl. And, I know for a fact if this man breaks your heart, your daddy will beat the crap out of him. He’ll feel devastated to see his little girl hurting and so, he’ll do everything in his power to cheer you up.

I know what kind of guy he is and what kind of father he’ll be because we have a dog–whom you’ll grow to love–who he plays, cuddles and takes on long walks. He cherishes the moments he spends with our pooch just like he’ll do with you.

He was raised to be respectful and courteous to women and that’s why I love him so much. He goes out of his way to do things for me and even puts me first. You will witness these acts of kindness by your daddy when you’re old enough to understand. You will learn who a good man is by watching your daddy love and care for me when I’m in pain. You’ll watch your daddy be my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my co-pilot and my partner for life.

Even though he’s a rather anti-social person and avoids chaotic situations, he’ll never pass up an opportunity to go somewhere with you or our family.

Society can be mean sometimes. I’m so sorry if you’re bullied in school. Daddy and I will teach you how to be a strong woman who doesn’t care what other people think of you. We’ll teach you to have a thick skin and defend yourself when people are cruel and rude to you. You will learn to be your own person because you’re unique, special and one of a kind!

Always remember that daddy and I love you and you will grow up into a beautiful and wonderful woman who will meet a man who desires you. Never settle for less because you’re a great person. We want you to meet a guy who would do anything for you–just like daddy.

Via Huffington Post

The Day I Stopped Feeling Sorry for Myself

So many people go through tragedies each day. Not having enough money to buy food, shelter or having a supportive family are some serious situations to be in. And, sometimes, those people who go through that never complain or talk about it. I’d like to be one of those who don’t even mention it or complain about it because what’s the point? Sure, everyone has their “breaking point,” but what is crying and being upset over it constantly going to do?

In the past, I complained about not having enough money to live on my own or not having enough money to do this and that. Instead of dwelling on my situation, I should have just accepted it and worked my ass off. Now that I’m finally out on my own, why not be happy? At first, I was terribly sad and missed my family every single day, but it was my decision to move to Tennessee. It wasn’t like I was made to leave PA and move far away. I chose to do so and I’d never take it back.

I’m done feeling sorry for myself because, well, there are people dealing with a father or mother who lost their parents or are coping with a loved one who has cancer. People are going through some real s*** out there, but they aren’t feeling sorry for themselves. For me, what I need to focus on right now is saving some money to buy a house, to pay off my student loans and enjoying my life in-between.

Previously, my articles focused on my frustrations of being a college graduate without a job. Most of them were written in the same voice and talked about the same concept. But, they were written by an immature girl who felt as if complaining was the way to becoming “noticed.” Boy was I wrong.

To be noticed, you have to tell a legit story in a mature manner. When writing about the negative, you need to also incorporate the positive. If you’re a negative person, you’re more than likely going to attract other negative people in your life, who might be a bad influence. So, stop being negative and if you’re feeling sorry for yourself, just stop. It doesn’t do you any good.

Via Huffington Post

I’m a Sucker for Weddings

I loved being a bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding and love attending them in general. So, whenever someone has one, I always become excited watching the guy and the gal recite their vows to one another.

I was never one to plan my wedding, envision how my dress and ring would look like or how I’d be proposed to, but at 26 and in a serious relationship, it’s often on my mind. Some people may believe there is no specific age when it comes to getting married, but by 26–if you’ve met ‘the one’–I believe it’s definitely time to tie the knot.

I did want to have kids by 24, so I’m a bit passed the age I predicted. I met my now serious boyfriend at 24, but it was way too early for kids to cross my mind. Here’s the thing though: my parents met at 19 and 23, had kids by 25 and 29, but their generation was different from the way we’re growing up. They had pre-planned jobs and things way less.

Weddings now-a-days are a bit more expensive.

I was chatting with a DIY Wedding Mentor and she told me the average cost of a wedding is $30,000. I mean, think about how ridiculous that is! Even if I had the money, I still wouldn’t desire to spend that much dough! You can budget a wedding for around $10,000. I know weddings are pricey, but when it all comes together, it’s quite exciting to be part of someone’s special day.

So, here are a few things I’ve learned through researching weddings:

• June, August, September, and October are the most popular, so I’d assume they’re the most expensive months.
• A morning wedding is cheaper because alcohol is expensive.
• When couples budget a wedding, they’re more likely to stay together than those who don’t take time to really plan it.
• BBQ and Pizza are the cheapest foods to serve at a wedding reception.
• Small get-togethers are more cost-effective.
• Making your own wedding decorations is less likely to cost you an arm and a leg.

Via Huffington Post

I’ve Lived In Tennessee For 6 Months And It Still Doesn’t Feel Like Home

When I moved to Tennessee, I figured after a while, I’d fall in further in love with it, but unfortunately that’s not the truth. Sure, the people are way nicer and would literally lend a hand to anyone in need of help, but that still didn’t have me convinced.

I thought by 6 months, it would feel like home. But, when you’ve lived in a certain state for 25 years, it might take some more time to get accustomed. And, maybe I’m the sort of person who needs more time. Maybe Tennessee will really grow on me and I won’t want to leave, but whatever the case, I’m not even close to being “there.”

I assumed there would be a bunch of events every weekend, but I’m not able to find too many activities to do. I’m not a drinker, so the bar scene doesn’t really appeal to me too much. I think I’d rather save my money and my waist. Most people around my age are out drinking, dancing and clubbing, but I’m not a huge fan. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to go dancing if I had girlfriends that felt the same, but dancing and drinking together isn’t really my forte. But, instead of thinking negativity and giving up, I’m going to turn my frown upside down. I’ve learned tons of things moving here, so I’d never take it back.

The other day, I began thinking that this was all a dream. I didn’t feel like living here was real. I thought I was living in another world and I was outside of myself looking in. But, I am here and this is real, but I’ll just enjoy where I am and see where live takes me. I look forward to the next step in my life and am no longer looking back on the past.

Via Huffington Post

The “I Was Wrong” Article

I was wrong.

I shouldn’t have complained about my life when there are people struggling to eat, find a nice and warm place to sleep, scraping to pay rent and car insurance, and being poor. I shouldn’t have cried and ranted on about the luxuries in life while someone else was slowly dying. I should be happy to be where I am and have such a support system around me. And, I was wrong. I own up to my stupid mistakes. I regret immaturely complaining on the internet about the things I wanted instead of the things I needed to have.

To some, going on vacations and even dinner out are luxuries and I guess I never thought that until it popped in my head that others are envious of what I have. And, I should be thankful that I’m able to eat food every day and that I can afford to buy new clothes from time-to-time. I’ve always been middle class, but I didn’t take the time to think about the poor. And, I apologize for being ignorant and childish.

Reading over my articles and past stories has brought this notion to life and I am sorry. I am 26 years old and I need to start acting like it. Instead of complaining about what I don’t have, I choose to focus on what I do have. And, I wish to allow others to begin seeing me in another light. I do not want to be labeled as “the spoiled brat.” That xojane.com article labeled me as such and I’m done being upset about the continuous comments. Instead, I’ve learned from it and am moving forward.

So, if you want to continue to bash me, you’re just as immature as I used to be. I owned up to my mistakes and am fully responsible for writing an article that did nothing but make me look like a snob. Therefore, I hope you’ll start to see me for who I really am.

No Such Thing as “The Perfect Guy”

Girls play out how meeting Mr. Right will be, how their dress will look and how their wedding will seem. As girls, we often fantasize about our dream guy. In this fantasy, our guy will be perfect in every shape and form.

In part, I blame this on romantic movies. They depict the guy being flawless in every which way. But, here’s the truth: that is crap! The “perfect guy” is not perfect. Maybe he’s perfect for you, but he makes mistakes just like the rest of us. He doesn’t have every single characteristic we’re searching for and he certainly gets underneath our skin from time-to-time.

I had this notion that my perfect guy had blonde hair and blue eyes, but that changed over time. As long as I was attracted to him and he was good to me, nothing else mattered. That took me a while to realize though. It didn’t happen overnight. Eventually, I learned to love and accept my boyfriend’s flaws. And, what can I say? I’m no angel; I have moments where I can be a bit too much, but my boyfriend wouldn’t break up with me over that.

The strangest thing about dating my boyfriend is once upon a time, I placed him in the friend zone. I couldn’t get over my ex-boyfriend, so I pushed him away. And, maybe he just wasn’t “perfect” enough for me. Maybe I thought he wasn’t “good” enough. I questioned why I was kicking him to the curb when he did nothing wrong. I wanted him in my life, so I turned things around and ended up having him.

To think, I could have lost a great life partner if I didn’t call him back. As I grow-up, I’m coming to terms that my boyfriend isn’t perfect, but he’s pretty damn close!

Via Huffington Post

How To Date The Guy Who’s Sensitive

Let me tell you something about guys: they’re very sensitive. I don’t give two s**** how much your guy says he’s not because it’s untrue! No matter how much they play it off, won’t admit to it, pretend those hurtful words you just said to them didn’t sting, they’re lying. Instead of telling you how they really feel, their first reaction is to shut down.
This is what I’ve learned: most girls like to talk out their problems in order to feel better. When talking it out, we feel as if a weight has lifted off our shoulders because we pushed it out instead of holding it in. But, guys like to bottle up their feelings and let it fade away in the darkness. However, does it really ever go away or do they carry it around for the rest of their days and randomly bring it when we’re nagging them about something?

Guys tend to act macho and manly, but deep down, they’re sensitive creatures that when their ego is bruised, they’ll shut down and not talk it out. But, as girls, we must learn that guys aren’t like us, we cannot simply expect them to “share their feelings” because more than likely, it’s not going to happen.

As girls, our first reaction is to FIX IT! We want to talk it through and try to make our guy feel better, but time and time again, I’m learning it does not work like that. And, in a heated argument most times, you call your man an “asshole” because he seems to be inattentive, unresponsive and ignoring you. Here’s the truth though: he actually is listening and processing everything you’re saying. You don’t really mean it, instead you’re saying it out of anger and frustration. But, if you want to be in an adult relationship, you must be respectful. So, if your guy does not want to “chat” because of his ego, then let him go. I know how tempting it can be to just walk into the other room and shake him, but that’s not going to do anything.

Let him cool off for a bit and then go and talk to him. If you cannot help but think, “I have to go talk to him. I have to do something,” just don’t. Instead, distract yourself by calling a friend, taking a walk, playing with the dog or simply reading a good book. I would say that your guy will respect and appreciate the space you’ve given him instead of cornering him in the bathroom and yelling that you want to talk.

Via Thought Catalog