My Husband And I Are Searching For Our Happiness

“It’s about $1,000 plus for an apartment in the north, so why don’t we look for places in the south?” my then-boyfriend asked me years ago.

We were searching for jobs in Tennessee – because I always wanted to live there.

So, he applied to a few jobs and boom, one day he got contacted, had two more interviews and obtained the job. We were off to embark on a new adventure.

Conveniently, we found an apartment, took all of our belongings and moved to Tennessee. It was a huge risk we took, but I think I was looking for happiness. Well, I think I was searching for several things.

I never did find them though.

I never felt like I belonged, there wasn’t much to do, my then-boyfriend and I constantly got into arguments and I didn’t make friends. People in the area kept telling me we’ll get used to living there, but we never did.

“You’ll be okay. It took me 6 months to feel settled. You’ll get there,” someone told me.

But, we lived there for a year and it still didn’t feel home to us.

Last April, my then-fiance lost his job and we were left with the decision to either ride it out or move back home.

We decided to temporarily move home because our wedding was taking place at the end of the year plus we needed to get back on our feet. However, both of us knew we wanted to be in the South. It was cheaper and the people were nicer.

I googled beautiful states in the South and landed on Charleston, SC.

Then, in December, he got a call about a job interview in Asheville, NC. The area was too expensive and we couldn’t find too many apartments. So, we rode around to see if there were other cities nearby we could live.

You should have seen us.

It was a sad story. 

We drove around Raleigh, Charlotte, Columbia, SC. We figured one of these cities would bring us a homey feeling. But, we never felt it. 

Then, we remembered Greenville, SC. We visited last April when one of my good friends offered to do our engagement shoot. We recalled feeling comfortable walking around the city, liking our surroundings and plus, we had a couple we knew!

Therefore, we’ve decided to choose Greenville.

Am I scared the same thing will happen again like Tennessee? Am I afraid to move away from everything I ever knew? Am I frightened to leave my family behind? I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But, in life, you must take chances.

I just want to be happy. Is that so much to ask for?

I want to live in an inexpensive state that I don’t have to worry paying 1,000+ for an apartment. I want to make friends with people who are similar to me. I want us to enjoy ourselves.

Heck, I want us to really start our life together. We haven’t been able to enjoy our life as newlyweds because we’ve been too concerned with finding jobs and stressing about money.

So, it’s time to find our happiness and we’re going to great lengths to search for it.

Via Mogul

How To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself

“I feel like a loser,” I said to my fiancé, who is in almost the exact same position as I am.

But, truly, am I? Would a loser have a BA in English and an AD in Journalism? Would a loser have 5 internships in the media industry? Would a loser have been able to move away with her then-boyfriend, find a job and make on it her own? Probably not.

So, then, why do I keep doing this to myself?

So, is being down making me feel any better? Is it doing wonders for me? Nope, so, then why do I keep doing this to myself? What’s the point? It’s time to stop and just accept the situation for what it is. Sure – it was not supposed to happen, but it did. And, I may not know the reason why for a while, but it happened.

I need to learn how to bring myself back up. No one can do it other than myself. Here are some positive quotes to look at when you’re feeling sorry for yourself:

  • “Life is like photography; you need the negatives to develop.”
  • “One small positive thought in the morning can change your day.”
  • “If you can dream it, you can achieve it.”
  • “Stop saying ‘I wish’ and start saying ‘I will.’”
  • “Positive mind. Positive vibes. Positive life.”
  • “You can’t change what’s going on around you until you start changing what’s going on within you.”

Via Mogul

The Way of the World For Millennials

PuckermobSo, as millennials some common stereotypes are “privileged” “entitled” “bratty” “whiny” and the list goes on and on. Sure, some college grads would rather sit at home and play videogames/look for jobs while living under their parents roof. Then, there are some of us that bust our asses to look for jobs day after day after day, yet find nothing. We look every single day and that in itself is a full-time job. We try to find connections, sign up for a hundred different online outlets, create a LinkedIn account and reach out to anyone and everyone known to man. However, still at the end of the day, we cannot find a single thing we enjoy. Know what comes next? Unfortunately, we settle because we want out of our parents basement and need to start paying off student loans.

Then, gradually, we become unhappy because we just took a job to earn some dough. We stay in the position because I mean, we need to live. Regretfully, we chose a field which warranted us to earn absolutely nothing and so, we’re stuck in this bad and horrible situation. However, it’s both our fault and our college mentor that told us there were tons of jobs and “don’t you worry.” So, we listened to them and followed our dreams. What’s wrong with that? The problem is “our dream job” might not earn us enough, yet we still pursue it. What happens next is the most depressing thing… we give up on it because reality sets in – it won’t pay enough for us to be out on our own. It would take years and years to become successful, so here we are settling for a “job,” not a “career.”

Again, there are those of us who complain and don’t do a damn thing and that is their fault. But, the other millennials should not get these labels if they do their best and yet, it’s not enough. Honestly, it may not ever be enough because the economy is not made for college grads. Unless you get really lucky, unfortunately, you are more than likely, not going to land what you want. And, I’m not telling you to give up – ever! I want us to succeed in this crappy economy because we did not work our asses off in college to give in now! I’m just saying, if you want it, go for it and get a PT job in the meantime!

The way of the world for millennials is unfair. But, again, I will never understand how millennials who take advantage of parents and others around them get everything handed to them in a blink of the eye. I will continue to pursue what I want in life and not say a word. Sure, I feel frustrated at times, but the days are gone where I sit and complain about my situation. Well, boo-hoo there are plenty of people in worse positions. It took me a long time to get to this point, but I have now and I will not give up and I don’t want you to give up on millennials either!

Via Puckermob

What is Marriage All About?

In November of this year, I’m getting married. I’ll be 27-years old and I’ll be a married woman.

Did I think I’d get married sooner? Yes- I figured I’d be 25 and have at least one child. But, obviously, no one can predict the future.

No one could have told me I would actually meet my future husband at 24. And, no one could have told me I’d meet him on the internet. Or, no one could have told me in a matter of 5 days, I would place him in the ‘friend zone’ and proceed to take him back out.

Marriage is all about sacrifice. It’s not only about what’s best for you, but it’s also about what’s best for the other person.

It’s no longer about you and solely you. You and your significant other are a team and you can’t be selfish. At times, it’s hard not to be, but if you truly love that person like you say you do, you’ll sacrifice for them.

You can’t resent that person because if the roles were reversed, they would do the same thing for you.

There might come a time where you’re not a fan of a given situation, but you must be supportive, loving and ready to embrace what life has to offer.

If it’s good for the other person’s career, then you mustn’t be selfish because the same thing could happen years later with you.

You must always be prepared for life’s biggest challenges as much as you can be. I mean, you won’t always be on guard, but you must be willing to think about what’s the best opinion for the two of you.

Sometimes life can change in the blink of an eye and you’re heading down one path and then, life throws a curve ball. So, you’re left with thinking, what the heck do I do? Just stay calm because freaking out will do no one any good.

Not to mention, you might stress the other person out. I would write a list of your options and choose wisely.

Be sure not to make a rash decision. You may never fully know what the right decision will be, but there are always signed pointing to a potential direction to head.

And, just remember this.. everything will be okay! Again, the two of you are in this together and you must always have each other’s backs.

If not, the marriage could be a bit rocky. Just remember to always be open to new and exciting opportunities and most of all.. communicate!

Via Puckermob

I Found Out What Love Really Was When I Met Brett

They say you never forget your first love. You’re always likely to go back to that person and never let them go. And, I believe that wholeheartedly.

When I was in my early teens, all I knew was I wanted a guy who would take care of me and accept me for who I was. I didn’t necessary have a preference on how the guy would look. I just knew I wanted him to make me feel like the most special girl in the world.

I had my first boyfriend at 16, but he didn’t make me feel like the most special girl in the world. I mean, I liked him a lot, but I was only 16 and with him, I had my first kiss. Unfortunately, I planned my first kiss and if I could go back in time, that would be one of the things I’d change. It was in front of my parents house after the junior prom and I said, ‘let’s just do it and get it over with.’ My attitude toward it was rather ugly, but he went with it. And, the kiss wasn’t so bad. That relationship lasted 2 months.

My second relationship wasn’t so bad, but the guy didn’t have his permit. And, at about 18, that was a problem. Regardless, we had a nice time together, until he broke up with me via text 2 weeks later. I was done with guys for a while, or so I thought until I met my third boyfriend when I worked at a grocery store at 19.

He was someone I thought I loved. I felt as if we had a deep connection, but when I think back, it was nothing but a deep friendship. My dad always said he thought I would end up with him because despite breaking up a year and a half into it, we always remained friends. It was very painful to me to stay friends, but he honestly did not like me as much as I liked him. The break-up was mutual, but that still didn’t mean I wasn’t hurt. After we broke-up, I questioned whether I loved him or not and for a while, it hurt to see him going on dates with other girls and see him flirt with other ladies while we were out, which was why I figured I loved him. But, I think it was only ‘puppy love.’

I still was sort of friends with him when I started dated my 4th boyfriend. I would talk to him occasionally, but I was hooked on this particular guy. I would go over to his house, but all he seemed to want to do was fool around, which was not always on my radar. I wanted to go on dates, but he was not about that. So, after 6 months, we broke up.

This leads to me my fiancé. I did not think I’d find love on Okcupid simply because I was so against online dating. I knew he was special, but I didn’t think it would lead to falling in love. Again, I thought I was in love before him. But, every time before him was nothing but infatuation. I wasn’t always able to tell the difference, well until I starting falling for this particular guy. He was sweet, considerate, nice and made me laugh. Not to mention, I was very much attracted to him. It only took 2 months for us to begin falling for each other. On Valentine’s Day, he finally told me he loved me, but I was not able to say the same because I wasn’t ready.

A few weeks later, at the bar with 2 of his other friends, I revealed that I was in fact in love with him. He didn’t believe me because he knew I was drinking, but I meant it. The next day, I said it again, but this time, it was in his room. I didn’t know what love really was until I met Brett, my now-fiancé.

I found out love is about sacrifice, being considerate of the other person’s feelings, opening yourself up to the other, compromise, and more. Love isn’t just about cuddling and being mushy-gushy. There is so much more to it and I needed to learn that. My other boyfriend’s never looked at me the same way Brett does and they were never so willing to take my feelings into consideration before making a decision.

And, when Brett asked me to be his forever, I was nothing but ecstatic that he chose me! It only took 5 boyfriends to find the right guy, but I found him and I couldn’t be happier.

Via PuckerMob

I’m an Attention Seeker Due to Middle Child Syndrome

I’m jealous of a dog.

There, I said it and I mean it. I know what you’re thinking too– you are one pathetic human being. When it comes to attention, it’s a constant need of mine. I must always be in the limelight or else I feel shitty.

In all started when I was a kid. I was the only girl and middle child. Without knowing it, my mother always paid attention to my younger brother more than myself. Even though she claimed she treated us equal, there was always something telling me otherwise. When I brought it to her attention, she’d simply said, “He’s the baby of the family, he needs me a bit more.” Maybe I was being a baby myself, but I really craved that attention and when I didn’t get it, I would act out.

That still happens to this day.

My boyfriend and I recently moved about 850 miles away from family and friends. The second week, I was an emotional wreck! I yearned for attention from my boyfriend, who was the only one around. As much attention as he gave me, it still wasn’t enough No matter what, I always required more.

So, when this idea of getting a dog came up, in the back of my mind, that was a concern. I know it shouldn’t have been because we wanted a dog to feel more settled and wanted to learn responsibility, but I kept thinking about my boyfriend being more attentive with that pooch than me. I tried to shake it off and just go with the flow, so I said, “sure.”

But, it happened.

Once that dog entered into our apartment, my boyfriend laid and cuddled with him while I made dinner. When I saw that, I immediately began jealous. It brought me back to when I was young and my mother attended to my brother’s every need. And, I hated the feeling of not being enough. I know it wasn’t that way and I know it’s dumb to be jealous of an animal, but I was! I tried to stay focused on making dinner, but it ate at me.

He wrestled with our new puppy and I was left flipping pancakes. I felt a need to leave the apartment because that way, I wouldn’t see their interaction. It hurt me more than you could ever imagine. This begged questions such as — why am I such an attention seeker? Why do I require so much attention?

I believed it to be “middle child syndrome.” According to Wisegeek.com, the effects of middle child syndrome are numerous. The child may feel as if he or she does not belong, given all the attention given to the oldest and youngest. The middle child may also feel as if he or she is loved less, have low self-esteem, and suffer from a lack of a sense of direction.

I mean, the difference is I have more drive than both my brothers combined, but most times, I do not feel as though I belong. Therefore, I chalk this one up as being “middle child syndrome.” In part, it’s my fault, but I do believe since my parents kept me in a bubble and always coddled us kids, I require someone’s full attention. And, when my emotional need isn’t met, I act out by making a situation more dramatic than it actually is. For instance, if I’m not feeling well, I overplay it and get more attention from my boyfriend. Maybe it has to do with maturity or whatever, but I hope one day I won’t need so much damn attention!

Via Huffington Post

The Unpredictability of Life

Life is so unpredictable at times.

One minute everything is going exactly as planned and then out of the blue, your whole world crashes down. All it takes is a flick of a button and your world is turned upside down. You never know what sort of event will happen.

Maybe you’re the sort of person who takes one step at a time and could care less what happens next or you’re like me who needs to know what’s ahead. I hate not knowing what will happen 10 years from now. Will I be successful? Will I be married? Will I have kids? Will I be happy? Will I have plenty of friends and family by my side? The questions constantly eat at me and make me wonder what life will look like.

Death often haunts me and I often think about how I’ll take the death of a loved one. It’s frightening to think one day my parents simply not being around. How will I cope? Will I continue to live without them? In terms of my boyfriend, if we do in fact get married, how will I handle this death? I know how I’d feel right now: completely and utterly distraught. At this point, I couldn’t go on without him by my side.

You see, there are those who are independent and ones who are independent. I’d definitely consider myself dependent. I don’t believe I could make it on my own. I often seek advice from others, so if I ever lost that, I have no idea what I would do. I usually ask others their opinion and base mine on theirs. It’s a terrible tactic, but it’s the solid truth. But, in a blink of an eye, life will throw you a curve ball that makes you make a decision then and there. Is there ever a right or wrong decision?

Well, if I decided not to go to the store this morning, my sister might not have gotten into a car accident. Or, if I hadn’t pressured my best friend into coming to my recital, she wouldn’t have been hit by a bus. In these circumstances, you have no clue what their destiny truly would have been. You’ll always have to wonder “what could have been.” And, that’s what I don’t like about life.

But, I suppose I’ll just have to see where the waves take me.

Via Huffington Post

Guest Article: Online Dating is More Than just OK (Cupid) #dating #OnlineDating

By Hope Kumor

Circa Leather & Lace

ok-cupid-2

I vowed never to create an online dating account.

I would never give in and upload photos and my information on a website due to fear of being stalked. Guys have creeped on me before, sometimes following me in the store or staring at me in rather unsettling ways. I felt absolutely desperate and needy even thinking of it. In fact,  my mom always told me I’d “meet someone when I least expected it” so I refused to try this online thing. Also, I didn’t want to pay for a service because no matter what, I didn’t feel that desperate.

Things changed after I broke up with my boyfriend and I’d graduated from college. My bestie and I were newly single and we went out a lot.  We were always hitting the town and having fun. She was the one who convinced me to make a Plenty of Fish—an online dating site—with her .  Instead of fighting it, I went along for the ride.  I have to admit — not only did I feel desperate, I felt absolutely disgusting each time I logged onto the site because I was so against it, but I did want to try something new.

I received a lot of messages in the first few minutes and I was amazed. Some were creepy and others were sort of cute. I spoke to several guys at the same time. I was always skeptical of these men, and didn’t give my number out so easily. Each time I’d have a decent conversation with a guy I liked, he’d disappear out of the blue. I soon realized that both men and women often do that on these sites because they find someone else or get bored.

I wasn’t having a good time.  Part of it was that I was missing my ex-boyfriend, and the other part was my disappointment in the career department. I had so much on my mind  that  having a boyfriend was (honestly) the last thing on my list. But, still, I kept on wanting someone to be there because I missed that.

The summer months went by and in late August, I deleted my Plenty of Fish account because I was frustrated with men (in general). But then again in September, without anyone else knowing it, I created an account on another dating site called OKcupid.   I would sign on late at night and would speak with guys as if it was a secret. I developed this unsettling feeling in my stomach that wouldn’t go away. I didn’t want to rely on a guy. I was speaking with a guy in the army for a while and had feelings for him. I gave him my number but nothing really developed with him.

On October 6th, I finally met Brett, someone who was interested in two things I’m quite passionate about—writing and health & fitness. The first thing he asked me was how I got into health & fitness. I’m into working out and so is he . We immediately had that in common.  We continued sending notes back and forth. The difference was we’d have very deep conversations — death, life, our inner thoughts and feelings. We’d speak about anything and everything before we even met. I was scared, but liked this guy!

We finally met on October 16th and to my surprise, the date turned out awesome because he was so sexy and had big muscles (pictures never do people justice).  But more importantly, there were no awkward pauses or shifty eyes.  We went to work out— really important to both of us— and afterwards went to grab a bite to eat and all seemed to be going well.  But the second date wasn’t that great. We were supposed to go apple picking, but that didn’t work out well and for some odd reason, he didn’t appear as confident.  I remember I really didn’t enjoy myself and remember missing my ex-boyfriend.

I kind of decided to place him in the friend zone. I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t sure if I wanted a boyfriend.

But, then my bestie found a guy around the same time and we planned a double date. It was a bit awkward since I’d just told the guy I wished to be friends, but my bestie told me not to give up on him yet.  So, we planned to go to a  haunted house that Saturday. He picked me up and we  flirted on the way over to my friend’s house, but I knew it was confusing him. Throughout the night, those feelings for him came back.

While we stood in the haunted house, I merely looked at him.

For some reason, I just wanted him. He was shocked when I asked to hold his hand. I was feeling so many different emotions. I liked him. I didn’t. I needed him. I didn’t want him.

Later that night, he asked me point blank, “so, what’s going on here?” I told him that I wanted to take things really, really slow, I mean, like really, really slow and he agreed. This was November and by Valentine’s Day he told me he loved me and I said it back. I was always so afraid of love. I was always scared to fall in love. I never wanted to lean on someone for too long due to fear getting hurt.

In a million years, I never imagined finding someone on the internet.  I admit that it can be full of creepers, stalkers, guys who just want sex and desperate people. I didn’t want to be part of that group, but now, I guess I am. I don’t tell too many people I met Brett online because I’m scared they will judge me, but ready or not, here I come!

I have a successful online relationship and I’m not afraid to admit it! So, let the judging begin!

If you’re going to correspond with someone online, you need to write enough for the other person to be able to respond with questions (so you can get to know one another). You simply cannot state “whatever” or “nothing.”   Also, don’t feel embarrassed about going online to find love. Before I did it, I thought people who dated online must be desperate, but now, since meeting Brett, I feel like everyone is doing it and it’s okay! I even got my brother to make an account!

I didn’t think in a million years that I’d meet THE PERFECT GUY on a stupid website. You never know who you’re going to meet on these sites!

I’m An Average Girl, But I Have A Learning Disability

I’m in the kitchen reading instructions on how to make a dinner with 7 ingredients and about 10 steps. I calmly concentrate on my task at hand, but I’m just not completely understanding what to do. I begin to get frustrated because I just cannot comprehend.

Let me give you an example.

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I took a boxing class. He understood what to do faster than I did. I always zero in on the instructor so I don’t look like an idiot doing it wrong. But, that never really works because they always end up coming over to me to show me a 4th time. It’s so annoying not to just get it. I wish I was normal and my mind caught up with the task at hand.

In middle school, I wasn’t able to take any language classes. Instead, that time was replaced with a skills class. It taught you how to stay organized and what homework was assigned in other classes. But, I wanted to be like everyone else and learn a language though!

My struggle continued onto college when I began to need extra time for pop quizzes and exams. Everyone would hurriedly turn in their test while I sat there with a blank look on my face. With the noise and commotion going on around me, I always felt like I had to finish ASAP. Even if I didn’t completely understand each question, I knew I couldn’t look like a dummy and finish last. But, when I saw bad grade after bad grade, I knew something had to be done.

I saw a psychologist and she evaluated me to see if I did in fact possess a learning disability. And, after it was proven, I had documentation that allowed me more time. So, on the first day of class every year, I had to embarrassingly tell my teacher while everyone stared wondering what the paperwork I was handing off. I hated explaining my learning disability because I was embarrassed.

It’s never the first thing I tell other people either. Who wants to be known as the girl with a learning disability? When looking at me, you’d never know because I’m an average girl. However, if you took a class with me or spent time with me, you might find out.

But, here’s the thing: there are people who have to deal with so much more in their lives. So, instead of complaining, I find ways to cope with it. So, accept me for who I am!

Circa Thought Catalog

To The Guys Who Don’t Like To Cuddle

Whenever my boyfriend and I lounge around at night, I see it as an opportunity to cuddle. I love the sense of his big and strong arms around me. I feel protected and loved at the same time. And, at times, it can be too much for him on those nights he’s dead tired; he desires nothing more than to sleep. But, then I complain that I just want to feel his touch and lay on his chest.

The thing I must learn is we cannot and will not always have cuddle sessions. Sure, he likes to snuggle once in a while, but unlike me, he doesn’t want to do it every night. Like other girls, I like to feel safe and wanted. But, how much is too much?

According to the Huffington Post article titled Men Value Cuddling, Women Value Sex, Says New Research On Relationship Satisfaction, Aline Zoldbrod, a psychologist in Lexington, Mass., told ABC News that touch in general is very important and, “touch from a person you love and trust is a major emotional resource and a way that people can regulate their emotions when they are upset. Couples who use touch to comfort, to compliment, and yes, to seduce and arouse, are bound to be happier.”

I feel happier when I’m near him because my emotional need is being met. When he’s not exhausted, he’s usually the one who mentions it first. Most times, he’s the one hugging, kissing and poking me. He’s more so the affectionate one in our relationship. But, when it comes to cuddling, I’m the one who needs it more.

But, the strange thing is I don’t need to cuddle after sex in order to feel fully satisfied. Instead, after a long day of him and I working, I just like to lay on him. Is that so wrong? And, I know when he’s not interested it has nothing to do with me. Instead, since he’s been up since 6:30 a.m. I can understand his want to head to bed. But, that doesn’t stop me from wanting to be close to him. We’re still in the honeymoon stage of our relationship, so I think I still crave physical touch. If that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.

I know once I get older, have kids and take on more responsibility , cuddling will be limited and rare. I’m just preparing myself for that, so let me get all the cuddle seshs in now before my life completely changes