10 Things Never To Say To Someone Whose Been Dumped

“My boyfriend broke up with me – on Valentine’s Day,” my co-worker divulged to me.

My response was what a dick. When she explained how he just wasn’t ready for a relationship, my next instinct was to say something like, “he probably wasn’t the guy for you.” But, I didn’t because I remember when I got dumped. There are some things you just don’t say to someone whose been dumped.

  • There are plenty more fish in the sea. This is a phrase you do not want to hear this because well, it doesn’t make the break-up any better. While there are plenty more men out there, there are some things you keep to yourself.
  • It will get better. Eventually, the pain will subside, but again, if you just got dumped, hearing this will not make the situation better.
  • Give it time. Ugh, or maybe he’ll come around, right? Sorry, but if you’ve been broken up with, it was for a reason. Please stop talking, okay?
  • You deserve better. Okay, this isn’t always true. There are some cases where maybe he thought he was ready, but he really weren’t. If he was respectful and told you the truth, this phrase doesn’t need to be said.
  • Guys suck! Well, not all guys suck. While some guys are assholes, this does not pertain to all guys, so please retract this statement.
  • Join tinder! If you’re looking for a booty call – after you’ve been dumped – sure, try Tinder. But, this isn’t the best advice to take considering you probably don’t want to date for a long, long time.
  • He’ll regret it. Maybe, or maybe not? You’ll never know, but just try to focus on other activities instead.
  • It wasn’t meant to be. For goodness sake, you don’t know that, so why say it? Maybe he just wasn’t ready.
  • Hang in there! Yeah, I’ll be sure to note that on my calendar.
  • I never liked him anyway. Really? Did you really know him enough to make that assumption? Ugh, please stop.

What Happened When I FINALLY, Begrudgingly Embraced My “Pudge”

By Hope Kumor
Circa YourTango
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Obsessing about my weight finally just became too freaking exhausting.

When it comes to my body and appearance, I’ve always had issues.

From an early age, I was always picking on myself. As a kid, I was too skinny and my mother tried to plump me up by giving me Carnation Instant Breakfast. I gained some weight and in my middle school days, I began to develop acne. So not only was I now concerned about how I looked and my body appearance, I also had big red dots along my skin to worry about.

I was disgusted whenever I looked in the mirror. I tried to make myself feel better by dressing in clothes that made me feel pretty, wearing makeup and hanging out with girls that boosted my confidence, but nothing worked.

In high school, I joined Colorguard — a club that makes marching band more interesting by dancing and twirling flags, sabres, rifles and batons — and was excited to be part of a club that I figured (hoped) wouldn’t judge me.

At the time, I wasn’t a fan of wearing bras because I didn’t like my boobs. They were so big and the bras I wore didn’t support my breasts like they should’ve and often made them sag. One day in band camp — yes, I actually went to band camp — someone teased me about my “hanging boobs” and again, I felt my confidence instantly diminish.

After that, I began wearing a more supportive bra and even lost a decent amount of weight.

When I came home that summer, my mother told me I looked too thin and wanted me to gain some weight back. But I balked: I was happy with my weight loss. I felt more confident and my pimples weren’t as red so I looked prettier. I began working out and wearing clothes that actually fit me properly.

My mother has always been my biggest cheerleader and gave my brothers and I the best life possible. But even still, I was never happy with who I was. In addition to all my other insecurities, I hated my big nose. People often told me I was ugly because I had such a big honker. And the grossest thing was: I listened to them.

Instead of blocking out all the negative comments from others around me, I digested and began to believe them. I thought: Maybe I am ugly. Maybe I won’t ever find a man who loves me. (Trust me, I realize the worst part about me is how easily I can be influenced and look! There I go criticizing myself again.)

I knew that I had to make major alterations to my life or live miserably. I sat in my room contemplating what I could do to change my attitude for the better. I was so negative about my appearance and it was affecting my entire life. Would I continue to bash myself or would I finally accept that I was trying my hardest to look and feel better?

I vamped up my workouts and began getting rid of the extra skin around my belly.

But my God, do you know how difficult it is to work on your lower abdomen? It was a total nightmare, but I was happy to see my rolls eventually disappear. Then, I improved my eating habits and stopped consuming so many snacks and processed foods.

After I began to see results, I still wasn’t happy with myself. Sure, some days I feel confident but others I just feel blah.

And, what I’ve learned from all of this is: My body will never be perfect.

Also, the way I look will never change unless I get surgery, which I refuse to do, so why not embrace what my momma gave me?

When I think about it, I have a wonderful figure with a dab of flab around my tummy.

Society teaches us that we must be a size 2 in order to be beautiful, but what about the plus-size women who are gorgeous? Why must you be “thin” to fit in? We shouldn’t be judged on the size of our jeans; we should be judged by our character.

So let’s stop hating on each other and begin using positive reinforcement because our world would be so much better.

5 Reasons Why Life With A Boyfriend Is Better Than Living The Single Life!

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See, girls are so dependent on a guy that it’s often difficult to just be happy without one. As girls, we don’t always believe we can fully be happy without a guy. Those girls might be called needy or co-dependent, but having a boyfriend is better than being single. Who doesn’t like being able to feel close to someone and wanted at the same time?

The truth is: Every girl wants a boyfriend. Girls often complain that they need a guy in their lives to feel “complete.” To some girls, life doesn’t seem as worthy when there’s no guy by her side.  Some girls may debate this, but all-in-all, girls just want someone to cuddle with, love them and be there for them when they need someone.

  • A constant snuggle buddy.

Whenever you have a terrible day at work, all you want to do is come home to your man and cuddle. Life is better when you have a human teddy bear to lie on. You feel secure and comfortable being in his arms that you forget about how pissed your boss got when you fucked up on a huge project. Until tomorrow….

 

  • Always having someone there to vent to.

Let’s be honest: Girls need to vent. Whenever something bad happens, you either go to your closest gal pals or chat with your boyfriend about the situation. No matter what, you know your boyfriend will be there to lend an ear and comfort you when times are rough. He won’t ever snub you or make you feel like you’re being stupid because he’s on your team!

 

  • The way he looks at you!

This “look” makes you feel special, wanted and loved. When your eyes meet his, you feel like you’re the only girl in the world and that’s the greatest feeling ever.  Only your boyfriend gives you this glance and you cannot help but smile and coyly giggle.

 

  • You never feel lonely.

You know those nights where you yearn for human touch? You no longer need to feel a sense of loneliness because your boyfriend is there to fill that void. You don’t need look for other ways to feel less alone because your boyfriend will scoop you right up and hug you.

 

  • You can totally be yourself!

Not everyone will like your personality, but that’s okay because you know your number 1 fan will never get sick of you being you! Your boyfriend fell in love with you for being yourself, so you don’t need to hide or shield who you are. It’s a great feeling to just totally be you and not put on a front!

I’m Not Sure I’ll Ever Get My Dream Job

In the past, my articles consists of complaint after complaint after complaint. It was rather nasty. I have a brand new approach though. I’m simply re-publishing some articles for you to take a peek at. And, Millennials, I know you feel as if you’re losing all hope, but hang in there and read my next post called:

I’m Not Sure I’ll Ever Get My Dream Job

It’s a daily struggle to search for jobs and not find a thing. I am often questioning whether I should take another minimum wage internship in my desired industry or take a job unrelated to my degree. I’m terrified when it comes to my future.

I really want a job in the magazine industry, but during the last two months I’ve started to think about giving up on my magazine job dream and just go after a job that pays the bills. Would that completely screw me over so badly that I wouldn’t be able to find a way back into the industry?

Do you know how freaking competitive this industry is? It’s literally cut throat. Women backstab one another without a care. I have a difficult decision to make and I think about it daily. It begins to eat at me and consume my entire mind. How will I know if I choose the right thing or not?

Devil Wears Prada Movie
The Devil Wears Prada, wear fiction and reality are closely related

My next question is why do we choose to even go to college if we’re not guaranteed a job afterward? It’s a huge risk we’re taking. Again, how do you know which direction to go? No one knows what lays ahead. Life is always so uncertain. We’ll never know which route to choose on any given day. I struggle with job stuff every day. I have an associate degree in journalism and a bachelor’s in English. Where has it gotten me? At 24, I’m still without a job. Sure, I have an internship, but that’s not paying me enough to live.

It’s pretty sad and pathetic when you have to make up excuses to your friends when they ask you to go out to dinner. I hate worrying about money. I don’t talk about it. I’m sick of thinking about it. I’m literally mortified about not having enough funds to go out for a bite to eat.

How the hell do you tell your friends, “I can’t because I don’t have money.”

“Really, you don’t have like 10 bucks to head to the local diner?” they say.

Nope, all of my money goes toward my commute and car payments.

Two weeks ago when I went to a Cosmopolitan magazine event, I witnessed desperate gals shove their resumes in the hands of these magazine editors, who in my opinion probably didn’t care.  They want a job so badly that they will do whatever it takes, even something potentially embarrassing.

I used to believe I’d be rich, famous and successful with a big time magazine job. I began to imagine living in a New York City condo with my family. I’d have so much money that I wouldn’t know what to do with it. I would tell my parents not to worry about getting old because I’d take care of them.

But, at some point, it sort of changed when I realized that was nothing but a dream, an imagination in my mind. Do you know that magazine editors aren’t paid that much? In order to make the mega bucks, you must be an editor-in-chief and no way would I like to take on that much responsibility. Not to mention, I don’t think I’d be cut-out for bossing others around.

But even once I land a full-time job, I still have to worry about my damn student loans. They will always be there since I’m about $30,000 in debt! The worrying and frustration never stops at this age. Another thing I worry about is being laid off. What happens if I get the opportunity, but am let go due to the economy and low funds?

Nothing is guaranteed and I’m frightened more than you’ll ever know.

Priorities.

Priorities.

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That is what’s been on my mind lately. Are all my priorities in check? Do I concentrate too much on one thing and not enough on another? 

I have a busy schedule. Well, at least I think I do. I know other people have tons more on their plate, but in my opinion, I never really have a sec to sit down and think. I’m always doing something. But, this “something” that I’m doing isn’t really fulfilling. Rather, it’s because I have to do it.

I work a FT job, work-out, as well as squeeze in time to write and read. No, that sure as hell does not sound like “busy schedule.” But, the thing is, it’s the commute that eats up my time. I have a 35-minute commute to work. I leave the house around 8:20 and arrive around 9:00 am. I work until 5:30. It generally takes about 45 minutes to get home.

Once I get to my boyfriend’s hub– this is when he’s off– we eat dinner together, I pack my lunch, we head to the gym to workout, then come home and take a shower. By this time, it’s about 9:30 and we get a limited amount of time to relax. This is when I usually take some time to write. Generally, I don’t spend enough time resting and relaxing. This is an issue because 2 weeks ago, I became severely sick and was unable to go to work.

When he’s working, it’s a different story.

When this occurs, we wake up at 5:30, leave his house by 6:20. I then drop him off and head to my parents to get some shut-eye. Around 8:10, I wake up and eat some breakfast. From 9-530, I work. Around 5:30, I either head to my parents to chill or head to my local gym to workout from 6-6:50. My boyfriend is done at 7, so I pick him up.

It usually takes about 40 minutes to get home. Dinner isn’t until 8:00-8:15. After that, our lunches must be made and then we must have some time to chill.   But, do you see the difference?

The boyfriend asked me if I have my priorities set in the correct order.

Sure!

I mean, I believe I do. I’m still in the process of learning about adulthood. I must begin to take on more responsibility and speak up when the time is right. I mustn’t be timid, shy or afraid of anybody because they’re humans- just like myself. But, I still get apprehensive. I must work on getting over my fears and stepping out of my comfort zone.

2015 is the year to learn, grow and stop being scared of my shadow. It’s time to blossom and bloom and correct my mistakes. I must move forward instead of moving backward. I’m going to work on it and I’m going to work long and hard.

priorities

 

Need some Hope and love?

I’ve had ups and downs, twists and turns, positives and negatives, but I’m still here. There’s a reason why I’m here and you are too. You’re supposed to be here. I promise. I swear. But, if you don’t feel the same way, I’m here for you.

I’m here to spread some #hopeandlove in the world.

Email me now and I’ll give you a pick me up– Hopeandlove89@gmail.com

It was just a worrisome night!

He sits there in a groggy state of mind laying his head on my shoulder. I know that he needs to go, he has to go because I don’t want him falling asleep at the wheel. The worst thing about our relationship is the hour drive front & back. Along with the gas, there’s tolls. What an expensive relationship, but at the same time, there are strong feelings, so the end result is always the best part of the whole experience!

The clock strikes 11:40 p.m. and he must head out the door. I hesitate because I don’t want him to leave, but it’s time. We walk out to the car and do our usual make-out session. Then, at the end, he says, I’ll text you when I get home. That’s always what we do, text one another when we get home. That’s always how it’s been and will be. Okay, I whisper. Then, he’s off.

I wait until I hear the chirp from my phone. I’m up until 1:10, then fall asleep with my phone by my side. At 1:34, I wake up and check if I got the “Home” text I’ve been waiting for. Nope. It doesn’t come.

So many thoughts run through my mind as I sit there with my phone in hand.

Why hasn’t he texted me yet? Did he forget? My thoughts went from negative– he got into an accident, he fell asleep at the wheel or something happened with his car, to positive– he was so tired that he forgot to text me or he lost his phone.

When 1:45 a.m. hit, I jumped out of bed and sought my younger brothers advice, If he doesn’t text you by 1:50, I would call him.  1:50 came & gone, nothing. So, I called him. In no way did I want to call him because it was almost 2:00 in the morning and he might get startled. But, at the same time, I knew that it had to be done. I pushed his name & waited for his voice. He didn’t pick up. Now, at this point, I felt sick, nervous, apprehensive, disgusted & worried. What happened?!

Again, my younger brother advised me to call him once more. I did, but this time, I left a message. That was it though. I texted him first called him twice & left a voicemail. What more could I do? It was out of my hands.

I could barely fall asleep because all I could think about was him. I tried to reassure myself that he merely forgot to text me because he was so exhausted. 6:00 a.m., I checked my phone, nothing, 8:00 a.m., nothing. 9:15 a.m. I woke up and saw a text from him sent at 9:08, Hey sweetie, im so sorry. I went to sleep as soon as i got home and just simply forgot to text you. =/

I knew it! I called it! I wasn’t angry. I was relieved that he texted me. I just wanted to be sure that he was alright, okay, unharmed & he wasn’t. I hardly got any sleep last night because of it. And, for some reason, I missed him so much today.

It was just such a worrisome night!

Thank you to all!

I just wanted to stop & say THANK YOU to all my followers and fellow bloggers who support me with their comments. It’s greatly appreciated.

Also, I’m not sure if you know this, but I’m a relationship columnist & if you have ANY relationship issues/problems/questions or just want to talk, feel free to email me, hopeandlove89@gmail.com

Or Facebook friend me Hopeand Love or “like” my page Hopeandlove.

Thank you. You’re ALL beautiful & wonderful & I love you.

Hope2Help

XOXO,

Hope Marie ❤

So, let’s just wait & see what happens.

I walk into class waiting for the right moment to talk to him. I’m not planning it nor “waiting” for it to happen. Whatever occurs, occurs. I’ve never spoken to him. He’s a shy & quiet guy. Something about him draws me in. At first, I didn’t find him attractive, but when I really looked at him, I found him adorable. He’s in 2 of my classes, so I have a choice when to talk to him. I see him every day. When’s the “right” moment, when you feel it, I tell myself.

He has a beard, which I never find attractive in a guy. This is a rather strange statement, since I don’t know him at all, but I feel like he needs me. I feel like I can help him. He always looks so sad & pathetic sitting in his seat. I can help him, I just know it.

I think he may remind me of my ex a little bit & since I felt as if I helped him, I need someone else to help. I believe it comes down to feeling needed. In a way, I want to feel like this because I’ll feel important. I simply can’t describe it any other way.

Also, this is bad to say, but, maybe I feel attracted to him because there’s no other guys who are cute in my other classes or at work.  They either have girlfriends or aren’t my type. He is different. He’s so quiet & doesn’t say much. I think I can break him, get him to speak to me, share things with me.  Maybe I just want another guy friend. It’s not as if we’re going to date or anything. I just feel a sort of connection with him. It’s absurd & random, but that’s the way it is, folks!

Ultimately, I think it all comes down to physical contact. I don’t mean sex. I mean hugs. Yes, I can get hugs from friends & family, but doesn’t it feel more special from the guy/girl you’re involved with? It’s just so much better.

I haven’t told anyone about my little crush. It’s not worth it. Nothing is going to happen. There’s nothing to tell. He’s just adorable as hell & I want to get to know him. Honestly, it’s no big deal. I can bet you $20 that he’s only 21. I’m 23. Remember, most college seniors, which is what I am, are 21. They began college when they were 18. I started out at a community college & transferred, so I’m a little older than the pack. This is a problem when it comes to meeting guys at school because they are all too young. In no way am I desperate to meet a guy. I’m waiting for it to happen.

This is how I see it, 1) Maybe I’m not completely ready for a boyfriend. Have I 100% gotten over the ex? I would say about 98%. But, now, if I went out on a date, I would only be nervous. I wouldn’t cry like last time. At that time, no way was I ready to date a guy. I loved the idea, but I just wasn’t emotionally prepared. 2) Maybe the guy that’s “for” me is really special & it’s taking him a little longer to come. I deserve the best. I know I do. Seriously, I’m amazing. I always listen to you, I always help you, I always offer to do things for you when you can’t, I’m always supportive, I’m always caring, I’m always willing to try new things, I’m willing to go somewhere YOU want to go &  I’m always willing to give you what you want & what you need.  How does that sound?! Pretty amazing to me, I should say.

Recently, another thing is sometimes when I hear songs I picture this guy in my mind. I picture his smile & laugh. Gosh, he has such a cute smile. He rarely smiles, but when he does, it’s cute as hell. Yes, I sound like such a creeper, but really I’m not. I promise. I just like to observe him. For one thing, I KNOW he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Two, he would never talk to me because he’s too shy. That’s why I need to talk to him. Again, I’m not planning it because whenever I do that, it never comes out right. Something messy happens.

So, let’s just wait & see what happens.